Three bars walk into a Jew.

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Whats big brown and sticky A sappy oak tree

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How do you kill a Chinese man? There are many ways, all of which are horrible

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Why do people read Bibles? To learn about God.

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Q: How do all 5 gay guys walk? A: In One Direction

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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PUDDING

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Your mom.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a rare breed of penguin with a horse. A: Well to be fair, turtles have shells

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roses are blood violets are veins vampires are crazy and you are insane

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How do you keep a black man from robbing your house? Lock your doors, or perhaps get a update-to-date security system.

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What would you do for a Klondike bar? I'd go all the way to the store and buy one.

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What do you call a man with no heart? Dead.

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Why did the Jew die? Because Hitler was born...

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Curiosity killed the cat and was sentenced to prison for animal abuse.

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What did the lemon say to the turtle? If you think the lemon said anything, something is wrong with you.

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What did the dog say to the mouse? Cat

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Whats the diffrence between a boy scout and a Jew? The boy scout comes back from camp.

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How many hearts does a jellyfish have? None.

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Yo mama's so fat that she took a look at her life and realized she wanted a change so she joined a dieting group and started eating better and exercising more and she got down to her goal weight and now looks and feels better than ever it's very inspirational, good for her.

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What do you call a man who eats a swordfish at 11 o'clock? Dead by midnight.

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What do you call a black person flying a plane? A pilot.

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A dog and a bird are sitting in the front yard of a small suburban community. The bird turns to the dog and says nothing, because birds lack the ability to speak. The dog then reaches down and slowly consumes the bird before returning to his house.

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Two muffins are in an oven. The first muffin says, "Boy it's hot in here." The second says, "It sure is." Both muffins then faint from heat exhaustion and are eaten to death when taken out of the oven And thus tragically, the world would never know of the spectacular talking muffins.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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