Heartlight

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What did the volcano say to the other volcano? Nothing, Volcanoes are inanimate objects that do not possess the ability to speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Whats the differense between a pile of dead babies and a Farrari I actually have a Farrari in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Knock Knock Whos there? Jonny Jonny who? Jonny tsunami, hope you can swim Japan

thumb_up thumb_down +35

helen keller's dad put a plunger in the toilet and left it there. helen then went to use the bathroom....

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

why did the mexican cross the road? To get into America. Why did the chicken cross the road? It was on its way to warn everyone that the sky was falling Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass. Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? cause he's Chuck Norris. Why did the man get a check in the mail every month? Cause he's black Why did Obama Cross the road? Cause he lost control of congress

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Roses are red Violets are blue Your ugly

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What did the black man do with the piece of bacon? He ate it.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A blind man walks into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Whats brown and smells like shit? Shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Knock Knock. Who's there? Boo Boo hoo? Boo hoo your parents are dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What's another word for a priest? Rapist

thumb_up thumb_down +33

why are black people good at jumping and white people aren't? That's stereotyping people .... anyone can be good jumping as long as the practice.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why couldn't the pirate boy see the movie? He was blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

roses are red i have a phone nobody texts me forever alonee lol

thumb_up thumb_down +31

whats worse tan loosing checkers getting lit on fire

thumb_up thumb_down +31

How do you get a clown to stop smiling? Throw a brick at him.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Two scientists are experimenting with sulfuric acid. One scientist says to the other, "Did you see the new intern?" In the process of turning to face the first scientist, the second scientist knocks the beaker over and spills sulfuric acid all over the first scientist's hand. The first scientist writhes in pain as the second scientist rushes to find a strong base to neutralize the burn. After a few minutes, the first scientist is rushed off to the emergency room and suffers from some serious chemical burns.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Little Jimmy has 100 candy bars, and he eats 95 of them. What dies little Jimmy have? Diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. :D

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A man walks into a bar. While he sits on a barstool, a man greets him politely, and they proceed with light conversation.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

The Braves win the N.L. east

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What do you get when you have 10 kids in a church? A lot of rape cases.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops