What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating on the water? Dead.

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Bill: My brother died on 9/11 Steve: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Was he in one of the towers? Bill: Both. Steve: Both? Bill: He was in one tower when the first plane hit, so he ran over to warn everybody in the other tower and while he was in the other tower, he died of AIDS. Steve: LOL Bill: Quit your laughing, Steve, and make sweet, sweet love to me! Steve: It would be my pleasure! (While Bill and Steve made sweet, sweet love on that park bench, little did they know that a hundred miles away in a beautiful Los Angeles home, actor Jeff Goldblum was making himself a turkey sandwich...not too much mayo...just the way he likes it.)

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A handless Asian boy was riding his bike through the park with some friends. One of his friends puts his arms in the air and yells "Look! No hands!" The handless boy rides his bike home, crying and thinking about how one day he would like to say, "Look! No hands!" without people getting nauseous.

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What do you call something that isn't funny? Serious

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Hitler: I said PASS THE JUICE! not GAS THE JEWS!

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What's worse than missing your favorite TV show? 9/11.

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What's black and twelve inches long? A Maglite.

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why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 is your mom

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The ability to beleive it's butter. Oh shit, wrong site

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Try saying "Good Eye Might" without sounding Australian.

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knock! knock! whos there? doctor doctor who? no Doctor Brown, you have cancer

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How many people with Alzheimers does it take to change a lightbulb? To get to the other side.

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The lemons on the tree are ripe. They will be picked.

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What did the poor family eat for thanksgiving? Food

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What has two legs but can't walk? A quadriplegic man who lost mobility in his legs due to a horrific logging accident.

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What do you call a pig with one eye? A pig.

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What did the policeman say to the chav? Dickhead!

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When I was a kid, I had a clown at my birthday party. He molested me. Later I found out the clown was my dad.

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Why couldn't little Sally talk? Someone stapled her tongue to wall.

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Whats the difference between a Ferrari and 1,000 babies? The Ferrari is expensive and the babies are in a nice hospital.

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two black guys are in a car. Whose driving? The question is too broad. Either one of those men or unmentioned people could be driving the car.

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Does it not sound kinda fun to keep slapping someone that always turns the other cheek?

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what happens when a Texan see's a black guy? he says howdy

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Why did the first squirrel fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure. Why did Bobby fall off his bike? He was hit by 4 squirrels Why did bobby die? He was hit by a bus

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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