Did I tell you about the day I put PaulMckenna on a hypnotic state so he believed he put me in a trance? That was fun, everybody applauded, then he got sad when it was not him they where applauding at, funny guy, a bit of an amateur, he spends hours "priming" people in a hypnotic state, and then in his videos triggers it so it makes it seem like he does it instantly, next to Igor Ledohowsky and Richard Bandler, I might just be one of the best and youngest hypnotists alive. Speaking of which, my wife knows the complicated yet strong feelings I got for you, and feels safe around me because of the same reasons you do, and the fact that I can spot a worry and a tear before people do, especially those I love and care about. Wait I am not done, I just need to eat before I space out.

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did you hear about the man who crossed the road? he made it.

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how do you get to your favorite chinese restaurant? Wok.

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Whats better than winning a Paralympic Gold Medal? Having Legs.

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In Soviet Russia ? ??? ??? ????????.

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A: What do you call a Jew with only one arm on Christmas? B: An amputee.

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Do you know how I know you're gay? 'Cuz your penis tastes like shit.

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Whats cooler than cool? Ice Cold.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Seven was an identity thief.

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- How can you call a person, who hasn't got a left eye, a left hand and a left leg? - All right.

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I walked into a bar and it hurt because it was metal

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Yes.

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5

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what are you called if your really funny but you not smart? the class clown

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whats worse then a baby with out floaties?.......beating your grandma to death with a puppy

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A doctor, a farmer, and a blonde walk into a bar. The doctor orders red wine because he knows it's good for the heart. The farmer orders a Piña Colada because he likes fruit. The two men wait eagerly to what the blonde is about to order. The blonde opens her purse and says "Damn it, I can't find my credit card." Suddenly, a handsome young gentleman walks up to her says "Don't worry miss, I'll buy a drink for you. What are you having?" The blonde looks up and says "Don't worry? I just lost my credit card!" In a fit a of anger, the blonde storms out the bar and doesn't order anything.

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A man met a genie that granted him three wishes. I wish I could fly. The genie gave him a plane ticket. No, I want to really fly for real! The genie put him inside a plane. Okay, I wish I was unable to die then! The genie killed him. Moral: Not every story needs to make a fucking sense.

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two biscuits rolling down a hill one says, " where you from" the other replied "im not telling you, youl steal my washing"

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Why did the Jew pick up the penny? Because he dropped it

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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The only silverware Frank Lampard will be lifting this year is his mums urn.

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Why are you reading this? You should be taking a shower, you smell like crap.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on the front porch? Matt What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a hole? Phil What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating down the river? Bob

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What happens when you lose your fish? It dies.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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