A man walks into a bar and orders a water. He then drinks his water and leaves. The following day he returns to the bar and again orders a water. He repeats this for many days until finally one day the bartender asks him why he comes every day to just drink water. The man replies, "Water is free. I got laid off from my job last week. Rough economy, you know." The bartender starts charging him for water, and the man becomes homeless.

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How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Pick it up and suck its dick.

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John Kerry walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, why the lost election?"

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Person 1: What did the woman say when - Person 2: I know! It doesnt matter, shes a woman

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Why did the chicken cross the road? No particular reason. It probably wasn't even aware the the ground it was crossing is what's termed as a road.

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why did Suzie fall off the swing? she had no arms. knock knock? whos there not Suzie

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Knock Knock Who's There? Due to the fact that the man asked who's there instead of promptly opening the door, the women on the other side was raped and killed, because she went to that house to seek help.

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What did the Muslim say to the Sikh? "Hello. Lovely weather today."

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What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jewish people aren't edible.

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What's black and hangs from a tree? A tire swing.

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why did the baby cross the road? because it was stapled to the chicken -written by sion dafydd jones, uk

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An Irishman walks out of a bar...

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Student; Miss, please may I go toilet? Teacher; Yes, but say your alphabet first. Student; Ok

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What do you call a cow that went through a earth quake? A dead cow.

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what do men with small penises use as condoms? appropriately sized condoms.

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When Life gives you lemons, Make Orange Juice!

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Why did the black guy only turn left? Because he was mentally retarded and couldn't tell left from right and had no idea where he was going

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The man who invented the teleprompter has died at the age of 91. When President Obama heard the news, he was speechless.

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knock knock who's there? rock rock who? rock on the ground, don't trip

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"One fish, two fish, red fish, the holocost." -Dr. Seuss

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What is the difference between your mom and a cow? One is a 1,500 pound beast, and one is a human being.

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What does WTF stand for? Welcome to Facebook!

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How can you put 2 elephants in a bottle without touching each other. You put an elephant between them.

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What would you do for a Klondike bar? I'd go all the way to the store and buy one.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops