What is worse than a fly in your soup? Getting hit by a train.

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What did the cheerleader get on Holloween? Raped.

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Not an anti-joke, but an anti-pick-up-line: How much does a polar bear weight? Not as much as you!

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What is black, has either black or yellow stripes, and cannot climb trees? A parking lot.

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why did the plane crash? the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What's large, green, and pissed off? The dumpster out back

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What is shaped like a duck without a beak? A duck that I punch the beak off of.

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A man buys a kitten from the store. He gets home, takes it out of its cage, and realizes that it wasn't the kitten he wanted. He then returns to the store and exchanges for the kitten he originally wanted, but then decides to keep both because he is feeling particularly hungry.

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Why did the black guy cross the road? To save the endangered child from getting hit by a car across the street.

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What was the little boy doing in the deep end of the swimming pool? Drowning.

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want a balloon? yeah

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why did the baby bird fall out of the nest? while the mother bird was away a cat knocked over the nest. needless to say the baby bird died.

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What did the white man do when he got a black eye? He returned it to the crazed gentleman who sent it to him.

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What do u call a black rapper who only raps about sex and money? lil wayne

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Kenny died. The Bastards.

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how did the man get down the stairs? he walked.

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What did Don King do with his new boxers? Put them on with a respectable pair of trousers.

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Why did Susie fall of the swing? She didn't have any arms. Knock knock Who's there Not Susie

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Knock Knock Who's there? No one was there. It was two birds flew into the door and died.

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Two men walked into a bar. The third transformed into a duck and flew away.

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What did the Dog say to the Cat? Nothing, Cats and Dogs are of different species and can therefore not understand one another.

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There's a redhead, a brunette and a woman with green hair walking down the street. A man asks them how they all came to have such beautiful and vibrant hair color. The redhead smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The brunette smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The woman with green hair blows her nose, and replies "It isn't natural, I'm rebelling against society's conformist ideals. Also I was not loved enough as a child." She has a cold.

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Knock Knock Who's there its me... we need to talk go away tod. i told you never to come back here babe, just open the door why? so you can beat me again? i said i was sorry! i just want to see my little girl... well maybe you should of been there for us! babe... i love you you lying son of a bitch... you dont deserve us open the damn door or i will beat it down im calling the cops YOU BETTER NOT BITCH! I WILL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU! tod... please... get out come here no... NO! get the hell off of me!!!! HELP!! RAPE!! RAPE!!! SHUT UP WHORE (crying) please... please... ...mommy? SARAH! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! MOMMY LOVES YOU! ooh.. theres my little girl. you miss daddy? GET AWAY FROM HER!!! SHUT UP BITCH! come give daddy a hug what have you done to mommy? what you want some too? SARAH I SAID GET OUT THE HOUSE! GET HELP! ...mommy im scared... (sob) oh your crying? you want something to cry about? OH ILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT! .... you better get the hell out of here tod.. whoah... babe where did you get a gun GET OUT babe... put the gun down... relax NO YOU RELAX! all these years ive been raising this baby. without you. all by myself. and i dont want you in the picture now. ILL DO WHAT I DAMN WELL PLEASE ill see you in hell... (BANG) (BANG)

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A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him, the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes his marriage is in shambles.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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