Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

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Why are black people so tall ? Genetics. duh.

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What time is it when grandpa sits ontop of a telephone pole and throws pineapples at people? Time to go to a nursing home

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Q. What is small, ugly and severely asthmatic? A. My younger brother. Jimmy.

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I went to a hockey game and the strangest thing happened; 2 players got into a fight!

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What does shit and fire have in common? Hitler gave both to jews.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? neither has he

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I do not like the fact that you are linked with the feds.

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what is pink and fishy? pink fish.

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Video Games

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what did one tree say to the other? move over

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What three letters alter boys into men and girls into women? The letter containing their bank card, the letter containing their national insurance card and the letter accepting them into a job or higher education placement.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A treadmill... did I mention he was kinda fat?

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this website is the funniest thing i've ever seen, besides everything i've seen that's funnier than it

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Who graduated top of their class, got their degree two years early and lead a very successful life? Not you

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How can you tell that your friend just had sex with a blonde? The girl he just had sex with has blonde hair.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Two Jews walk into a bar, and they were both served properly

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Hippopatomous!

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Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? A:Pull the pin and throw it back

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A man walks into a bar. He has a drink. Then goes back home.

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what did the man do when he went to save the other man from drowning? drowned with him...

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Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? Fo' Drizzle

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A Priest and A Rabbi Walk Into The Bar. Ouch.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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