Your mom is so ugly she plans on using you college funds for getting plastic surgery

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's blind. Also, she's been dead for 43 years.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

An Asian gets into her car to drive to her grandmother's house. She arrives at 6:30 and has a wonderful dinner.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Knock Knock Who's there? The police. The police who? Sir, your wife has been killed. Please open the door so that we may discuss this matter. The man then opens the door and listens to the tale of how a disgruntled worker opened fire in a grocery store, killing 13 people including his wife. Unable to cope with this and the fact both his parents passed away earlier that year he later hangs himself soon after the police leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

a

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Two guys walk into a bar; A Mexican and a Canadian. The Mexican guy says "Bartender, give me a 2 shots of Tequila, por favor". The Canadian guy says "Bartender, give me a shot of Club and a Molson, eh". They continue to drink until neither can feel the crippling pain of their mundane lives - then they each leave the bar, walk home and sleep alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

if a green person is sitting on a green couch in his green room in his green house on his green lawn in his green town, what color is the sky? blue of course. while it is possibe to paint or make all things described in the above paragraph, you cannot paint the sky green because it is actually the color of light when the suns rays reflect on the water droplets within the ozone layer, thus forming the sky. the sky is not a tangible object, so therfore the paint would not be able to properly rest and dry onto the surface.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Clement: Hey love. Want to go out on a date? Patience: No. Clement: That's all right. Your agreement is not needed. *Clement ties up Patience's hands and feet, gags her and puts her in the back of his meat delivery van. He is planning to throw her into the sewers.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How many licks does it take to got to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? 357

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did Mary punch herself in the stomach? -she was pregnant

thumb_up thumb_down +10

why?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, My Heart Skips A Beat, When I Think Of You! :D

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what is a jews favorite holiday? the halocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How many Amish people does it take to change a light bulb? None because they don't believe in technology.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

conrad profit

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I saw a mexican drowning and saved him... as my screensaver ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's worse than a midlife crisis? Having an affair with the dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Lebron James vs. Kobe Bryant

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A german police officer sees a Rabbi. Nothing happens, it's 2011

thumb_up thumb_down +8

This is probably how President Obama proposed to his wife. "I don't wanna be Obama self"

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why are you fat? You like devil dogs

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock knock Who's there? I don't know go check.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did Sally fall off of the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock. Whose there? Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Yo momma eats healthy, exercises regularly and is likely in decent physical condition.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops