what do you call a man that just got brutally murdered? i don't know, check his birth certificate.

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Roses are red Violets are blue who are you kidding, violets are violet

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Why did the black guy cross the road? To save the endangered child from getting hit by a car across the street.

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Knock Knock Who's there its me... we need to talk go away tod. i told you never to come back here babe, just open the door why? so you can beat me again? i said i was sorry! i just want to see my little girl... well maybe you should of been there for us! babe... i love you you lying son of a bitch... you dont deserve us open the damn door or i will beat it down im calling the cops YOU BETTER NOT BITCH! I WILL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU! tod... please... get out come here no... NO! get the hell off of me!!!! HELP!! RAPE!! RAPE!!! SHUT UP WHORE (crying) please... please... ...mommy? SARAH! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! MOMMY LOVES YOU! ooh.. theres my little girl. you miss daddy? GET AWAY FROM HER!!! SHUT UP BITCH! come give daddy a hug what have you done to mommy? what you want some too? SARAH I SAID GET OUT THE HOUSE! GET HELP! ...mommy im scared... (sob) oh your crying? you want something to cry about? OH ILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT! .... you better get the hell out of here tod.. whoah... babe where did you get a gun GET OUT babe... put the gun down... relax NO YOU RELAX! all these years ive been raising this baby. without you. all by myself. and i dont want you in the picture now. ILL DO WHAT I DAMN WELL PLEASE ill see you in hell... (BANG) (BANG)

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A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

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2 men shot up a morgue, 16 bodies remain dead

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Your mama is so ugly that she tried out for America's Next Top Model and did not get in.

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Why grannies do not buy a menstrual pads? Cause they will never have their period anymore.

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Q: How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Juan

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Yo mama's so fat she couldn't ride on roller coasters with you in Disney world. Sometimes you wish you could share more fond memories with her.

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A guy walks into a bar. The universe instantly shatters around him under the weight of infinite potential punchlines. He tumbles through the void amongst the shards of his broken reality. This is the worst joke ever.

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Q: "What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?" A: Dr. Dre

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Knock, Knock. Come in.

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#1 rule in arguments: if losing, start correcting their grammar

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A bus full of orphans falls off a cliff.

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Q: What did the chinese man say to the other Chinese man? A: I don't know, I don't sneak Chinese

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What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin getting crushed by a sledgehammer.

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Why was Little Susie's IQ less than 30? Because, she is mentally retarted.

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How many prostitutes do I have to kill in order to get an erection? Three.

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What did Liberia say to Texas? Tag, you're it!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The Holocaust. And also cancer.

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There were two muffins in an oven one muffin said, "Is it hot in here or is it just me?" the other muffin said, "AHHH A TALKING MUFFIN!"

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The Holocaust

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Why did Sam have no friends? Because he was dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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