A mama cow was sitting in the barn with her 3 babies. The first baby cow goes "Mom, why did you name me Daisy?" "Because a Daisy landed on your head when you were born" The second calf goes "Mom, why did you name me Rose?" "Because a Rose petal landed on your head when you where born." The third calf says "Aasdfghoiuytfghjkuiy" The mom replies "Shut up brick"

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Why does it take more than one squirrel to change a lightbulb? Because they're so darn stupid!

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whats made of wood and floats? everything made of wood floats

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Where is my tractor?

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Does it not sound kinda fun to keep slapping someone that always turns the other cheek?

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A teacher notices one of her students clutching a cat. She asks him why. The boy, tearfully, explains that he heard his father tell his mother that he was going to eat her pussy when the kids left for school. The teacher laughs and, the class being 10-11 years old thereby at an age approaching biological curiosity, decides to mix this in with a sex education video she was planning on showing them a few weeks later. She then phones the boy's parents who come to collect the cat while reassuring the boy that it is in no danger. The cat was popular with the boy's classmates and they would often go to visit him as a result. Many years later, just after the boy started attending university, the cat was put to sleep at the age of 13 due to liver cancer. The boy placed a Facebook post in honour of his feline friend, which was spotted by a former classmate of his in a routine search who happened to be attending the same university. They ended up reacquainting and beginning a sexual relationship, which was how the boy lost his virginity and eventually blossomed into a 37-year marriage resulting in three children.

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How do you get a blonde to break a nail? Smash her finger with a wrench.

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Knock knock! Who's there? This. This who? This joke.

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What did the man say after falling off a bridge? He didn't say anything. He died a painful and terrible death on impact.

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There was a peice of lasagna. He knew he tasted great. So he constantly feared for his life.

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How do you feed a mockingbird? Give it some food.

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Women.

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Roses are red Violets are blue who are you kidding, violets are violet

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The duck says do you smell poop. Ya says the chicken, it wasn't me It was the turkey

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Why doesn't Gary like me? Because I killed his family and fed them to him.

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why did the bear fall out of the tree? the bear got shot

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What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until the boys hit puberty before coming on their face.

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What do you call a gay man who has sex with a woman? A bisexual.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

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Your mamas so fat. She fat.

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Q: How do you get a one armed blond of of a tree? A: You grab a ladder and help her down safely.

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how much is a microwave full of dead babies? a fridge full of dead puppies.

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What did the rabbit say to the rabbi? ...RABBITS DO NOT TALK! So then the rabbi said, "In that case you must be a hare!"

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Why did the lion go to the doctor? He was hungry for man flesh. -John R-

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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