Q. How do you break into a store that's closed? A. You walk in, I was lying about it being closed.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What do you call a group of white guys playing basketball in Philadelphia? Actually, that already seems like a pretty good summary of the situation.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Person 1- your face is a stupid joke Person 2- you're right, because it's not a joke its a face

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What did Don King do with his new boxers? Put them on with a respectable pair of trousers.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

I hate it when sentences don't end the way you expect them potato.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What's worse than finding your dad's wedding ring while fingering your sister ? 3 bee stings.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What happened to the adventurer ? He took an arrow to the knee and became a guard.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Whats the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

25

thumb_up thumb_down +32

How many blind people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Does it matter?

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why couldn't the eleven year old get into the pirate movie? Because it was rated PG-14 and he was unaccompanied by a mature adult.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What's another word for a priest? Rapist

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Q: What do you get when you mix a joke with a rhetorical question?

thumb_up thumb_down +32

How did th-A fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What do you call a mexican working at Taco Bell? An intelligent young man who recently graduated from high school, but due to his family's lack of money, he cannot pay for college, which is one of the reason's why he is working. He also needs money becuase he has a child on the way, due to his poor choice of not using protection while having intoxicated relations with his girlfriend. I wish him the best of luck!

thumb_up thumb_down +32

An Asian walks out of the library.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

a blind man walks across a road. he's dead

thumb_up thumb_down +32

so there are two muffins. no wait there are three muffins in an oven. actually it was a toaster oven. and they were covered in butter. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh cheese on toast anyone?

thumb_up thumb_down +30

OMG this totally works! Step 1: Hold your breath Step 2: Die

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why was Little Susie's IQ less than 30? Because, she is mentally retarted.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why cant little billy jump? He was aborted.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What did one wall say to the other? Walls don't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

7

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops