emma: how will we survive zombies? mat t: just give me a blow job ......4 seconds later emma: so what now?

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A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?" The man responds "Let's hear the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance paid for everything." Shocked, the man asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you've been denied coverage. None of your future treatments will be covered."

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What the difference between a alien and you nothing

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School : Todays lesson, 1 + 1 = 2 Exam, find the radius of the sun

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A young Asian boy got a B on his test. He went home an showed his parents even though he was nervous of their reaction. They told him that a B was a good grade and put it on the fridge. After that he began to gradually flunk each class one by one because of his parent's inability to push him to be better. He is now homeless and an alcoholic.

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What does a farmer say when he can't find his tractor? - Where's my tractor?

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What do you call a black priest? HOLY SHIT!!!

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Ask me if I'm a peanut. Are you a peanut? Yes. Ask me if I'm an orange. Are you an orange? No, I'm a peanut.

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What did the blonde do when she missed bus 40? She waited 30 minutes for it to come back around again.

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A: Knock! Knock! B: Who's there? A: Kitchen B: Kitchen who? A: GET THERE!

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Where did Martha go after the explosion? Everywhere.

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Do you have a curfew? No its saturday!

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look left ------------------------------------------------------> i bet you failed.

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What do you get when you have sex with a $10 prostitute? Nothing, she's clean. She may be low-scale, but she'll be damned if she's not careful.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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- Server, there's a hair in my soup ! - You're right, sir, I'll give you another soup imminently.

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It is the conjoining of the two possible outcomes of the interstellar and post modern possibilities of the pasta sex god's niece's favorite colour after she falls off her bike whilst riding down a yellow slide after her twenty-seventh birthday when the two suns form a triangle in the night sky over the delta. Yes indeed that was good pudding.

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hello

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OBAMA

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A man spills his his drink. Like any other man would do, he got some paper towels and some mult-purpose cleaner and proceeded to wipe up the mess. Not a further word was said about the situation.

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How does a blonde restart her computer? Seriously, you guys, I need help. I'm not a very technological person.

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Two aspies don't walk into a bar.

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Q: Why did the plain crash? A: Because the pilot was a loaf of bread. By: LV

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Well neither has he.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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