One day i had to piss. I went to the bathroom.

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7am, waking up in the morning Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal Seein’ everything, the time is goin’ Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’ Gotta get down to the bus stop Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends) Kickin’ in the front seat Sittin’ in the back seat Gotta make my mind up Which seat can I take? It’s Friday, Friday Gotta get down on Friday REBECCA BLACK FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What do you call a man that goes to work every day to provide for his family? A spoon

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Q: What do you call a man driving a van with a bunch of stuff in the back that doesn't belong to him? A: A delivery man

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Un petit gars se plante en vélo et il se met à pleurer.

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A Muslim, a Jew, and a Christian walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

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How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? You sneak behind it and hit a shovel across its head.

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Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second Koala fall out the tree? Hit by the first Koala. Why did the third Koala fall out the tree? Peer pressure

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What happened to the Jew when he heard about the concentration camps being erected all over Germany? Nothing immediately. Then he and his family went into hiding where they were later discovered, taken to concentration camps and died along with millions of other Jews.

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Why were the police chasing the black man? Because he was in such a poor financial state that the bank foreclosed his house and now he has no source of income and therefore no way to purchase basic living requirements, so he was forced to steal in order to provide food for his family.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got a big dick, Now suck it you fucking bitch!

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I like my women like I like my coffee, I don't like coffee.

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knock knock? whos there? eatmop. eatmopwho? HAHAHAH EAT MY POO

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Why did the pig fly cuz his wife is a bitch

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What did the little boy do when he dropped his ice cream? Acted very mature and requested another one from his mother

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An blind orphan in an impoverished Irish village develops both AIDS and terminal cancer. You laughed a little at that. You are going to hell.

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Pickup line: Boy: Hey, do you have a library card? Girl: Yes

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Two unemployed Irishmen are out looking for work when they pass a lumberyard. There's a sign outside that said "Tree Fellers Wanted". Sean turns to Patrick and says " What a curious way to write that sign. Surely the term is lumberjack?" "Yes," says Patrick "but what with the current economic situation here in Ireland, I say we get in there, apply for the jobs and hope that our lack of experience is overlooked." "Okay." Says Sean. "And let's not mention the whole sign thing." "No."

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Why did Jane scared of the video about a clown dancing in the room? Because it was her room.

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Q: Why do Japanese people have eyes that look like they're stretched to the side of their head? A: When they are born, they come out head first, and their eyes are stretched to the side of their head and are stuck in that position due to the sticky, glue like substance found inside a woman's stomach.

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What's better than sex? Nothing

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A white man and a black man were walking down the street. The black borrowed the white man's phone to make a quick call when an incoming call came in. The black man, while trying to hand the phone back, says, "Here, it's your Dad." The white man replies, "No, that's my phone." Amazed at how uneducated the black man was.

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Why did the elephant fall out of the tree Because the post man threw a fridge at it

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Why does it take more than one squirrel to change a lightbulb? Because they're so darn stupid!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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