What did the homeless man without legs and arms, get for Christmas? ... Cancer

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So two friends walk into a bar. One says to the bartender, "Get me a Miller Lite please." The bartender says, "Sure." The other friend says, "Get me a Cosmopolitan please." The bartender stares at him and says, "That is not the drink I was expecting you to order, but I respect your decision."

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Q:What did the robot say to the boy? A:Nothing the robot malfunctioned and started choking the boy, despite the towns best efforts they could not release the death grip on the boys throat, after the robot was done choking the boy it exploded killing 99% of the population in a 5 mile radius.

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What did the boy do when he was bored and broke? He took to the streets selling illicit drugs such as cocaine. Although dangerous, the rush from said danger solved his boredom problem. On top of this, there is a huge market for such substances and he was not broke for much longer.

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Garry Glitters on here

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Why do matt Daly jokes suck? Because he has Downs.

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What do you get when you cross a zombie with a beer? Nothing because zombies are just another subject dealing with the occult.

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Hey, you want to hear an anti-joke? yeah, sure. .....well, too bad!

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There's a pair of siamese twins.....One of them's gay.

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What's worse than 1000 babies tied to a tree? 1 baby tied to 1000 trees.

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Knock Knock Whose there? Get out of the bathroom Get out of the bathroom who? No, your in the bathroom

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A blond, a brunette, and a red-head are standing on the edge of a cliff. They then realize how dangerous that is and proceed to back away and view the canyon at a safe distance.

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Knock knock! Who's there? Elton. Elton who? Elton John

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Ha

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Why can't the dinosaur eat M&M's? He is dead. He used to rule the Earth 65 Million years ago, though. Dinosaurs are reptiles. Whales are not. Meow?

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Geuss what? Bob is wide awake and he likes strawberries but he didn't have any strawberries so he ate a hamburger but fred wanted a hamburger but bob ate it so he just ate bob but bob was wide awake so he saw fred eating him so he called the pigs to come and eat fred because pigs eat anything but the pigs had already eaten their daily freds so they ate bob because they hadn't already eaten their daily bob but fred had already eaten bob so they got angry at fred so they just ate him anyway but then they got fat so a wolf ate them but then some hunters killed the wolf and ate it so they are actually eating a hamburger because the wolf ate the pigs and the pigs ate fred and fred ate bob and bobb ate a hambuger but he actually likes strawberries.

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What ruined the little boy's day? He drowned.

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What is white on top and black on bottom? Society

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why are gays soo happy , becuase the dont have to listen to women

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there are 2 sausages in a pan. one sausage says "wow it's hot in here" and the other sausage says "MY GOD A TALKING SAUSAGE!!!!"

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Man is hit by a falling tree his friend immediately responds "Got Wood" the man is now paraplegic

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: Did you hear about the Polish Helicopter crash? The pilot and three passengers died.

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How do you fit 45 Jews into a car? 5 in the car 40 in the ashtray.

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what do you say when you see a winner weaner

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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