Contrary to popular statement, "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade," you technically can't do this because of the need for water and sugar to make lemonade. Secondly, life can't technically hand you lemons because life isn't a physical thing that can hand you lemons. So really, you don't even have to worry about the second two ingredients.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Little Jimmy was afraid, and didn't like Santa Claus. So one Christmas Eve, he poured rat poison in Santa's milk. Little Jimmy no longer has parents.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Me: Hello. You: Oh, hi. Me: How are you today? You: I'm fat.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

what do u call a girl with cancer? bald.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

whats the difference between a blonde and a brunette? A. Genetics.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What is white, wet, sticky, and gets squished out? Glue obviously, wait.... What were you thinking of?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Curiosity killed the cat! No, the tire of a vehicle did.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What's a green tasty vegetable? None, they're vegetables.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Person 1: What did the woman say when - Person 2: I know! It doesnt matter, shes a woman

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How do you stop a skunk from smelling? Block its nose.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A blind man walks into a bar. He orders a drink and after a couple hours he leaves. He's only color blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the boy say 2+2 was? 4

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Hickory Dickory Dock mother is a whore

thumb_up thumb_down +16

joe diragi makes paul look straight

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Yo' momma is like a hardware store, 25 cents for a screw!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her what her name is

thumb_up thumb_down +16

minecraft

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Whats the difference between a watermelon and a black person? Ones fun to hit with a baseball bat, and ones a watermelon.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A man is on his way home from a business trip and walks into his house. He is quite as to not wake up his wife or kids. He gets to the bedroom to find his wife in bed with the neighbor. He is shocked at what he came home to and decides to file for divorce. She was a stay at home mom and loses everything because of the divorce. The man woke up from his horrible nightmare and kissed his wife on the cheek. She has always been faithful. He decides to tell her about the dream and, for insurance, emphasizes the part where she loses everything in the divorce. They happily live out the rest of their lives together.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

I used to be an inventor, but I had other ideas.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do you call a man with no legs and arms hanging on your wall? Art

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what did the doctor say to the woman? I have 3 testicles

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Two blondes walk into a bar. There is a fat man there, but nobody talks to him

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the frog say to the beautiful sleeping princess? Ribbit

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops