Friends are like penguins because when you throw a polar bear at them they die

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Hey, are you 5? Ya I am 5 inches deep in your MOM!!

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Q. How do Italian girls shave their legs? A. They lie down outside and have someone mow them.

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Why did the boy go to heaven? He was in an airplane.

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Knock Knock? Who's there? Look in the peephole

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A man walks into a bar and says "ouch." It was an Iron bar.

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why was the snowman so happy? because a child placed pieces of coal in a "u" shape on it.

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Dancing Potatoe!

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What do you call a man with no heart? Dead.

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What does a farmer say when he can't find his tractor? - Where's my tractor?

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What is red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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I can't stand 9/11 jokes Their just plane wrong!

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What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

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how do you kill a zombie? Zombies arent real.

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How did the priest die? Masterbation

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What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One of them I can whack with a hammer, the other is a watermelon.

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when Bonquisha and Letroy had a baby girl what did they name her? Courtney.

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A man walks into a bar, unfortunately his brain condition killed him after the swelling in his brain reached a point where his family had to unplug him from a machine putting him in a medically induced coma.

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What's White and can't climb up a tree? A fridge.

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What's red and has wheels a red car....

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FAP

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It should only take one person to do this job regardless of hair color.

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What did the man bring home from Africa? AIDS.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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