A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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What did the dog say to the cat? Nothing, animals can't talk.

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What does an Irishman order at the bar?? A beer

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Matt Damon

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An owl turns to the other owl. He has to, he can't move his eyes.

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What do you call a black man riding a bike? Alan. He's studying environmental engineering at NYU.

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A young Asian boy got a B on his test. He went home an showed his parents even though he was nervous of their reaction. They told him that a B was a good grade and put it on the fridge. After that he began to gradually flunk each class one by one because of his parent's inability to push him to be better. He is now homeless and an alcoholic.

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what do you call a kid without arms and legs? names

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Roses are red, violets are blue and the sun is very hot

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Dick spice

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Why didn't the boy buy his mom a gift for Christmas? He was killed by a drunk driver two years ago

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ask me if i'm a tree. are you a tree? no

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Roses are red Violets are blue this poem makes no sense Potato

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Why did the Chicken cross the road? Because, the Farmer had treated the Chicken and the rest of his family with great distaste, thus angering the Chicken to the point of rebellion against the Farmer with hopes of inspiring the other abused farm animals to act likewise.

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A boat drowns in the middle of the water. Everyone dies except for an Asian guy. Why did he live? Because he could swim.

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What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eyepatch? Names.

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What do you call a black person with a million dollars? A millionaire.

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Do you want to hear the best joke ever? Me too!

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What time is it? Actually, that sentence is grammatically wrong: what is IT?

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There is a man with the surname of Westmoreland. This is a terrible name.

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What do black people and apples have in common? Nothing.

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Q. How is a monkey like a tricycle? A. They both have handlebars... except for the monkey.

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Why did the seal get confused when a spider tried to high five him? Because spiders have eight legs.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stappled to the chicken.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops