baby loves lalma

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Chuck Norris drove to McDonalds and ordered a Whopper. Much to his dismay, McDonalds does not make Whoppers, because that is the signature fast-food burger of McDonald's biggest competitor, Burger King.

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According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, you're actually a few million years late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams.

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Knock Knock Who's There Gary Oh hi Gary, come in

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why did the black child get sent to child services? because he has an abusive father and an alcoholic mother

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Friend: I hope you burn in hell -.- Me: I hope you step on a leggo in the dark Friend: *gasp* take that back

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I told a woman to make me a turkey sandwich. Of course she complied since I was at Subway.

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Why do policemen wear belts? To hold up their pants.

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Why did the Mexican guy run to the hospital? Because it was faster than walking.

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A Holocaust joke? I did Nazi that coming...Anne, Frankly, I'm quite offended.

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A fish swims up stream for his natural spawning cycle. The fish was out of shape and died from heart failure.

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What did the cripple kid get for Christmas? Cancer. You know what he got the next the next Christmas? Nothing he died.

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There are two gingerbread men in an oven and the one says " it's hot in here" the other says "holy crap it's a talking cookie!!!!!!!!"

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What sits in a corner and travels all the way around the world? A stoner on hallucinogens.

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A minor walks into a bar. He's not very good at limbo.

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What did the rabbit say to the rabbi? ...RABBITS DO NOT TALK! So then the rabbi said, "In that case you must be a hare!"

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Q: What do you get when you mix a joke with a rhetorical question?

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Q: What did the prostitute say to the other prostitute? A: I have AIDS.

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How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? 17

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Why did the little girl get a haircut? A; she has cancer.

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A Jew picked up a penny. He thought his beard matched the guy on the coin.

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How did the semen cross the road I put on the wrong sock this morning

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What do you call a black hitch-hiker? Stranded

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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