A pregnant women walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender denies her service because she is under the legal age.

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There's two men on a subway. One says "Hey, that's my sandwich.".

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This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in a village atop a hill. Citizens were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from the age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest. Fear in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He said to himself, there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's Magical Basement. Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonny's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a carton of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took the carton of Ribena, crumpled it up, spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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My name is never spelt right so its all good

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What three letters alter boys into men and girls into women? The letter containing their bank card, the letter containing their national insurance card and the letter accepting them into a job or higher education placement.

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I little 3 year old girl said to her dog "You're my best friend in the whole world" AND THEN THE DOG DIED!

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Q. What does a rock and a bird have in common? A. Everything. Except a bird can fly and has wings and can breath and eats and makes babies...

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What do you call a group of black people? You don't You call the cops first.

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have you ever noticed that when geese are flying in a V, that one side is longer? Do you know why? no...why? There is more on one side

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Wow, that makes your name a lot more comfortable to say... Not type, and you seem to be more sensitive than non-red hair girls. Besides its really nice, why do you dye it? Is it like red or ginger?

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Why did Sally drink water? Because she wanted to take pills and kill herself.

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Abe Lincoln, George Washington, George Bush and Barack Obama are sitting at a table at a bar. They all realize that none of them know each other, wonder when in time they are, have mental breakdowns, and run screaming into the night.

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How many dull people does it take to replace a lightbulb? One.

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Women's Rights

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How many anti-joke fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. Or two if it's a really high bulb and you need a second person to hold the ladder for safety.

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There was once a simple man. His life was far from what could be described as extravagant, living alone in a dingy apartment full of leaking taps and insects and lacking a working refrigerator. He wasn't an ungrateful man but he often wondered why life was cruel to him and prayed every night for something magical to happen, whether it be a brand new life, or even something simple like a new fridge. One fateful late afternoon as he staggered along the dim backstreet, partially crippled and pained from his standard day of labour, he came across a brass lamp just laying in the street. Glancing around, the man bent down to pick it up, knowing very well the story of the genie in the lamp having just watched Aladdin the previous night. Peering into its dull surface, he saw eyes staring back at him, eyes he didn't recognise. Anxiously, he ran his hands over the surface of the lamp, feeling the coolness of the metal on his rough blistered hands. But nothing happened! Disappointed but desperate for his dreams to be fulfilled, the man frantically shook the lamp, tears streaming down his face, wonder how life could be so cruel. Then a fridge fell out of the lamp and crushed him and he died the end.

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Why did the girl drop her ice cream her cone broke

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What do you call a orange striped zebra? No not a tiger stupid its a orange striped zebra duh!

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's blind. Also, she's been dead for 43 years.

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Yo mamma's handwriting is so bad that its barely legible to most people!

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A man got a promotion at work. Now he makes more money.

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What do you call a bunch of Mexicans on fire? Jumping Beans.

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Why did the fat guy get a gun? Because he was tired of all the fat jokes...

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What does Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na equal? A lot of sodium

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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