"Up to 50% off."

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Women are definitely a full time job.. You should be paid to have them......

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Q. On a scale of 1-100, how immature are you? A. 69.

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What did the black man say when he received cold fried chicken at a restaurant? He very politely asked for it to be warmed up, and exuded nothing but elegance and class.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why did Mary fall of the tire swing? Because she's a dumbass

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What did one gorilla say to the other? Urgh.

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whats pale and white your ass.

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Why did he walk the dinosaur He took an arrow to the knee so much the DJ didn't was paper-plates.

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How do you make a blonde scream? Set her on fire.

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Damn kids and their evasive tactics.

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How do you confuse a blonde? You tell em a AntiJoke!

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What's the difference between a computer and a television?

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Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme This one doesn't

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Is this a chair?

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What happens when you push an asian in a hole? He falls in

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What's black and hangs from my tree? A black man. I am a racist.

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What is funnier than dead babies? Dead babies aren't funny, Carlos Mencia and Tom Bergeron are funny.

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What's up? The sky.

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Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue? A:Nothing. They're tubes of glue. Inanimate objects, such as a tube of glue, however adhesive the contents of said object is, are not capable of advanced speech, let alone basic communication.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? I don't Know, but we should inform the RSPCA.

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What did the 85 year old man do after having the sex of his life? He found out he had AIDS.

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4023145287

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What's so funny about a heart attack? It's not kidney failure..

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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