Me: "Dad! Can you make me a sandwich?" Dad: "Poof! You are now a sandwich."

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I pissed myself the other day in Harrods when I saw a Somalian boy run up to a curtain saying mummy.

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A woman leaves the kitchen.

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Your mom is so fat because she ate her emotions when your dad walked out, not to mention her history of bulimia as a teenager.

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Why did the chicken cross the road... He wanted to get away from all those jerks who kept asking him why he made the decisions that he did. he later committed suicide...

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Knock, knock. Who's there? New Kids on the Block. Wait, who?

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general tso's broccoli

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Amy Winehouse has been sober for 2 weeks now.

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How do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open the door and put it in. How to you put a giraffe in a fridge? Open the door, take out the elephant and put in the giraffe. Simba hosts an animal convention and all the animals attend except which? The giraffe. There is an alligator infested lake. How do you cross? Swim across. All the alligator are at the convention.

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why did Suzie fall off the swing? she had no arms. knock knock? whos there not Suzie

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Fuck her

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Question: How many rocks does it take to make a pancake? Answer: Tree.

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Why couldn't little Johnny drive the tractor? Because he had no arms. Why didn't he have any arms? Because he was a potato

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me:I will trade you 5 dollars for 10 dollars blond: Okay! me: ...

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what do you call a diver with no arms and no legs? a bobber

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What is brown and smells? Poop

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What did Stephen Hawking say about Stephen Hawking Anti-jokes? "They're stupid".

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What's the difference between and onion and a dead baby? There is a big difference.

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What's the difference between a duck and a goose? They are obviously different species but they both have wings and are birds and are actually pretty similar. Geese are usually bigger though I guess.

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how do you make a dog roll over you kill it

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what is a big jar and has a human in it? A human in a jar.

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Why is Alex Mann Fat? Because he doesnt eat healthy food.

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Why did the cow die? Because we need meat

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A Jewish man overhears another man making a joke about the Holocaust. The Jew says, "Hey! You! My father died in the Holocaust!" The other man says, "Oh, I'm sorry. What camp was he in?" The Jew says, "Camp? No, my father had a heart attack."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops