A baby seal walks into a club...

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Barack Obama

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What do you call a blind, crippled, child? Unlucky.

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Not at all, I find your perception of things like that quite pleasing, you obviously care about me, and care about your wife, that's nice.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I ate your horse.

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man 1 walks by man 2 man 1 says hey buddy whats up man 2 responds do i know you man 1 says no but i saw seeing a movie on friday man 2 says oh cool but wasnt that movie great man 1 responds ya and man 1 and man 2 become best friends plus man 1 only liked man 2 because he was rich!!!

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Roses are red Violets are blue Its just a bulge I swear its not a bomb

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whats worse than stubbing your toe? being gang raped and then killed

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A man walked into a bar. Ouch.

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I'll give you a nickel to lick my pickle, a dime to take your time and a quarter if I can f*ck you in the ass

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What's funnier than somebody spitting in someone else's food? It's not even funny, it's just plain rude and disgusting.

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What's green and has wheels? Green cars.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face?" He says, "I have acromegaly"

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Why did Sara fall off the swing? Because she got shot in the heart with a bolt action sniper rifle and died.

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Biggest lie in America: Sorry, that was my last stick of gum.

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What do you sit on, sleep on and brush your teeth with? A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush

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Chuck norris walked into a bar. He went up to the bartender, clenched his fists and gave him some money

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Four homosexuals walk into a bar and theres only one bar stool left how do they all sit down on that one bar stool. They flip the bar stool around and sit down all together

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Why did Sally fall off the swing set? Becasue she had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Why was the man crying He wasnt his allergies were acting up.

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What is red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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a seal walks into a bar. replace "bar" with "club". and replace "walks into" with "gets bludgeon by."

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What ticks like a clock and has numbers on it? A clock.

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what do snozberries taste like? Lama

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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