I always tell people " I have the heart of a child! " Then I continue "It's in a jar on my desk"

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's the best position to be in while being attacked by a bear? invisible

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No. Ask me if I'm a bush. Are you a bush? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A blonde is a Homo sapien (Latin for knowing man), a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans . A mosquito on the other hand is a common insect in the family Culicidae (from the Latin culex meaning midge or gnat).

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's better than winning a Gold Medal in the Special Olympics? Not being handicapped in the first place.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

what is black and white and red all over a shot to death zebra

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What's worse than finding mold on your cheese? Getting Raped

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Knock, Knock. Who's there? The wind. The wind who? ...

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did Hellen Keller get hit by a car? She didn't see it coming. (TD)

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Have you heard the story of the empty room? Theres nothing in it.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

your mom is so lesbian that in prder to have you she planted a seed in her vagina because she refused to have sex with a man

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What do you call a sandwich that has sandwich on it? A sandwich.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How many blonds does it take to kidnap a child? One.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

-Knock Knock. -Come in.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Have you ever had Ethiopian food? No? Neither have they.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

what do u call a person who reads anti.jokes a hipster

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A woman goes into a butchers with her baby. She says "I live a few doors down and my scales are broken, do you mind weighing my son?" The butcher takes the boy away and a short while later returns holding a dripping bag. "He's 17lbs two ounces" he informs her, as his colleague brings the boy to the counter safe and well.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Knock knock whos there punctuation

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did Tarzan say when the monkeys came over the hill? Hey look, the monkeys are coming over the hill.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the asian die? he was driving

thumb_up thumb_down +21

flip flop chop, clip clop cow, POW. hahahahahah. :).

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A black man accidentally walks into a white man. They apologize to each other and carry on with the rest of their day.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call a black person that went to medical school? A doctor

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops