Why don't women need watches? Because they have clocks on their cell phones because they have jobs outside of the house and are INDEPENDENT WOMEN! MEN DO NOT DEFINE THEM!

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What's worse than an empty bottle of Yoohoo? Literally nothing.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The road was Catholic, and it couldn't cross itself.

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How do you get an elephant in pajamas? Elephants are large mammals with several layers of body fat, and pajamas are for humans. there is no purpose in attempting this feat at all.

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Bert: Hey, what you got there? Sal: Nothing.

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what did the ugly girl get on valentines? A paper bag

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Knock knock! Who's there? The police, we found your cat's body on the side of the road.

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Whats funnier than a jew holding a nickel. Nothing. Jews are cheap.

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Your mom is so stupid she had a hard time graduating high school.

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What do you call a guy who acts straight but is really not? Verl.

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Your mother is so fat that when she passes in front of the tv, I lose 3 seasons of the series

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It was in the oven

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I like to eat people

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1 + 1 = 2 If it was equal to 11 the problem would be impossible

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Why did the blonde fall off of the swing? Because someone threw a machete and it made contact with her skull, thus causing a painful break and rapid blood loss, making it virtually impossible to remain sitting upright.

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What did the little girls who's parents died in a car accident get for her birthday? Foster Parents

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A black guy and a Mexican are sitting in a car who's driving??? The Cops

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Why was the jewish girl happy? Her pussy was wet!

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Why was the woman sad? Because her son died.

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What did the scientist have to say about religion when he was asked by a local reporter? He said that it is a cultural system that creates powerful and long-lasting meaning, by establishing symbols that relate humanity to truths and values.

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Why couldn't the pirate get into the adult movie? He had just spent the last of his money at Ihop with his friends, and is now regretting ordering two Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruitys when he was really only hungry for one.

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Do you ever feel, like a plastic bag? No, because plastic bags are man-made inanimate objects.

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Why did Doris fall down the stairs? Because she was a stupid, uncoordinated old hag with no control over her bladder.

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knock knock, who's there, white, white who, white van, RUN!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops