Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, The middle one's for you!

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The burgler walked into the house. Nobody noticed the initial intrusion. The burgler quickly left. The family of which was stolen from woke up the next day and enjoyed a hearty breakfast of grains, oats, and barley without a worry on anyone's mind.

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What do you call a puppy with no eyes? Ugly,

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust.

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What do you call a Mexican baptism? A blessed occasion.

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man: honey im home woman: john im pregnant man: but i have a low sperm count! this is a miracle! woman: its not your baby its steves from the store man:but he's mexican! woman: i know.....i need an abortion. {lol racism}

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What's invisible and smells like carrots? Carrots! ... well if they were invisible..

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Why do all black people have nightmares? Beacause we killed the only one with a dream..

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A penguin was waddling along one day and saw a seal.. The seal stood up and procceded to talk and jump and even twirled around... The penguin realized this was impossible for a seal to be doing this so he hopped on his unicycle and just rode home because he was going to be late for his piano recital

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Why is Ellen so funny? Because she is a comedian.

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What is white, long, and thin? A tablecloth

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My wife crashed the car while listening to Adele last night. She ended up rolling in the jeep.

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What do you call a dog with no arms or legs? It doesn't matter what you call him. He won't come.

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Women's sports.

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Need homeless tips? Get A Job.

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What do you call a one eyed hippo? A do-you-think-he-potamus

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What does a cupcake get for Christmas? A fat kid.

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A fish swims into a wall. Says dam.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because he was forced, along with thousands of his poultry counterparts, on a march to meet their imminent death at a mass slaughterhouse. Upon being beheaded and processed, the meaty corpse was delivered to a local grocery store and cooked into a wholesome family dinner.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's a woman.

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Roses are red Violets are blue This line doesn't rhyme Neither does this one.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Beacuse it was dead.

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Why couldn't Simon run? Because he had Cerebral Palsy.

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How do you kill a dinosaur? You don't. It's already dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops