why did the fox jump over the pen ? it was tuesday

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What did the cab driver say to the duck who wanted a ride in the cab? Get out of the cab.

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Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the bird

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What is white, long, and thin? A tablecloth

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How many nails does it take to build a house? As many as it takes to get the job done.

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why did the chicken cross the road?? to go shopping for some aspirin because one of his children recently developed a raging headache and it was only logical for him to go to the pharmacy that was conveniantly placed across the road.

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What do airplanes and grapes have in common? They both have wings, except a grape doesn't.

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What did the vapyre eat for dinner? Nothing, they dont exist.

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Roses are red Violets are blue This line doesn't rhyme Neither does this one.

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Jokes are funny.

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What do you call 10,000 lawers jumping out of a plane? A good start.

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What do you call a fish that is missing an eye. fsh.

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What did the cat say when it jumped into the cardboard box? Meow

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A student goes up to the teacher because he has to go to the washroom. The teacher tells him that he has to sing the ABC's before he can go. So the boy sings, "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ." The teacher said he did a perfect job and could go to the washroom. The boy went on to become a billionaire. Congrats!

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What's the difference between your dog and your mother? Your dog doesn't think you're a disgrace to the family

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There was a homeless man living all by his lonesome on a street corner, desperately begging for money. Suddenly, a car comes to a screeching halt and out of the window flies a thin, square piece of plastic. The hobo successfully catches it in both hands. "Whats dis?" he says, "What da hick can I do wid a stinkin wada plastic?" he says, failing to realizing the significance of the thin square of plastic, for he is but a hobo and has been out of touch with reality for quite some time. After some time, he gains back his common sense, "Aha!" he shouts, "it is but a condom!" A few days pass, the man wondering alone in search for a way to make use of his prized, plastic square. He encounters a beautiful female hobo (at least he thinks she is) and they make love. So not only does the hobo make use of the silly condom (which expired-he just doesn't know) he get's laid and keeps warm in the brutal winter weather by getting cozy with the hobo chick. There are some pros in being a hobo, you know. After a month, both hobos make the faithful decision to join their cardboard boxes together, thus creating a new home where they live happily ever after <3

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How does Michael J. Fox like his Martini? With an Olive

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Q: How many cantaloupes can you fit into Jackie Chan's basement? A: 4

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Billy isn't a homosexual, he just has sex with men. Billy has sex with men, because Billy's in prison.

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What do you call a woman who has one leg that's shorter than the other? Asymmetrical.

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Uh, erm, uh...I don't know.

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What's the difference between Jews and boy scouts? Boy scouts come back from camp.

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Why did the boy have a tumor? Because he had cancer.

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Why cant i stand up? Cause i shat my pants

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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