A woman goes into a butchers with her baby. She says "I live a few doors down and my scales are broken, do you mind weighing my son?" The butcher takes the boy away and a short while later returns holding a dripping bag. "He's 17lbs two ounces" he informs her, as his colleague brings the boy to the counter safe and well.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A small child and a pedophile are walking hand-in-hand through the dark, creaky woods. "Mister," says the small child, " I'm scared." "YOU'RE scared?" says the pedophile. "I'M the one who's gonna have to walk back alone!"

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A man walks in a bar. He walks out.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

knock knock your gay

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Where did Jimmy go after the bombing? Everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why are we on a roof? Becuse some idiot gave us all roofies.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the elephant fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree? Because it was attached to the first elephant. Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did the white man hand to the mexican? His college degree because the mexican had completed all four years of college with a 4.0 GPA.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why'd the first koala fall out of the tree? He died. Why'd the second koala fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first koala. Why'd the third koala fall out of the tree? He thought it was a game. Why'd the refrigerator fall out of the tree? He thought he was a koala. Why'd the boy fall off the swing? He was hit by 3 koalas and a refrigerator. Why'd the boy fall off his bike? He had no arms or legs

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How many no-armed amputees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What do you call five dogs with no balls? Five bitches.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How many rats live in a llamas stomach? the cats pajamas

thumb_up thumb_down +20

dear GIRLS, roses are red violets are blue faces like yours belong in the zoo don't be mad i will be there too not in the cage but laughing at u .

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What do you cal a thousand black people swimming to Africa with a Jew under each arm? Waterboarding.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why couldn't the man reach the police on his phone after his leg was hacked off by a serial killer? He had AT&T as a service provider.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Roses are red Violets are blue You think this will rhyme But it ain't gonna.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What did the man tell his parents after having sex with another man? A. I am gay.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

what's funnier than a dead baby? a lot of less tragic things

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What did the carrot say when he was Chopped. Auch.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting doctor. Interrupting doct- You have cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why didn't the man kiss his wife. Because he had no lips.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a blue duck that speaks? A dream.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you make a clown cry? You kill his family and chop off his legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What is Chuck Norris's favorite musical theme? Tanana na na naa naa na, ta ta ta tanana na naa na ta na na.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops