What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? I can't stick my dick in a watermelon.

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Lil' Wayne

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What makes Stephen Hawking such a lame scientist??? A: he has a disabling disease. It's called ALS.

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Yo mamma is so fat, when Dracula bit her, he got type 2 diabetes.

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What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels

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i felt like burning some calories so i lit a fat kid on fire

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12 22 giraffe hippo 66 otter zebra cat 99 okay, the end

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Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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Question : Why did the boy need to change his pants? Answer: During recess, the little boy was running to fast and fell on the ground. Then kid he has been bullying pissed on his leg.

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"Knock, Knock" "Go away, I have a lot of stuff to do right now and knock knock jokes suck."

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Whats red and hairy ? A carpet !

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Onions stink. And so do you.

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what do you call a fish without eyes? a fshhhhh

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The doctor said he had good news and bad news. I asked for the bad news first. He said, "You have AIDS. I asked what the good news was. He said "You will only have it about a year."

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Your momma is so fat that when she steps on the scale it says 300 lbs.

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Life is like a box of chocolates. You eat them. get fat. Die.

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Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Have you seen the size of their fingers!?!?!

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in the begining... god made some stuff

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What do airplanes and grapes have in common? They both have wings, except a grape doesn't.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To mourn the loss of his daughter who died due a fatal car crash, caused by him while he was driving. across the street

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Why can't an elephant smoke cigarettes? They do not posses the fine motor skills.

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Roses are brown, violets are brown, who keeps shitting in my garden?

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? "Hey Joe, how's the family?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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