roses are red violets are blue i thought i was ugly but then i met you

thumb_up thumb_down +13

When I was at the beach digging in the sand I looked down and someone said nehow

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's a golfer's favorite sandwich? Well, it depends on the golfer

thumb_up thumb_down +11

two muffins are in an oven. 30 min. later i ate a delicious treat.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

what happened to the chicken that crossed the road? it got hit by a taco truck

thumb_up thumb_down +9

potato farming

thumb_up thumb_down +9

dog

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why can't Jesus eat M&M's? Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the cat say when it jumped into the cardboard box? Meow

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call a black man who flies planes? A pilot, what do you call him you freaking racist!?!?!?!?!?

thumb_up thumb_down +9

what did the black man do for his family? nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a women with two black eyes? Someone trapped in the cycle of violence that is domestic abuse. The few friends and family members she still speaks with tell she should leave. They don't know about the last time she threatened to leave him, when he held a gun to her throat and screamed "You try an leave me I'll kill you and your precious god damn babies!" Now she suffers silently for fear of what he might do to her family, but is increasingly worried about the way her husband has begun looking at their 13 year old daughter. Every night she kneels at the foot of her bed and prays for death, over the sounds of her own sobbing and her husbands drunken rage. Also she is a slow learner.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How many teenagers does it take to change a light? 1. Unless he has some sort of disablity then probably 2.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

here i am sitting here staring at the wall and beside me is a doll, oh no its moving, i hope it doesnt lick tht popsicle, oh no it just licked tht popsicle, oh no oh no

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q:Waht did the blind deaf kid get for chrismas? A: Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +5

*ring ring ring* hello? This is a robbery... Dum dum dum.... (hangs up) *beep beep beep*

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what has a huge nose and is jewish??? Henery Miller!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Robocop and T-800 where fighting, first the T-800 manages to injure Robocop critically, but Robocop manages to repair himself and break T-800`s legs off, which T-800 suddenly regrows due to an unexpected upgrade. After several hours of combat, where civilians are injured and half the town is destroyed they where both worn out, but ready for one last struggle... ...Eventually there was a great celebration for whoever won.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A woman refuses to make a sandwich and walks away unharmed.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the manager fire his black employee? Because he was stealing office supplies. Why was he stealing office supplies? Because he needed the money for his family. Why did he need that money? Because he wasn't being paid his full wage. Why wasn't he being paid full wage? Because his employer was a racist. Upon this analysis, the state of California ruled the case of Jones vs. Smith in favour of Mr. Jones, and ordered Mr. Smith to give Mr. Jones a cash settlement of $500,000. However, Mr. Jones was still convicted with a single charge of petty theft and was sentenced to six months in prison. His family was still awarded the settlement of $500,000. Mr. Jones made parole three months early for being an "idol inmate."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do u call a black guy that sell drugs? A nigger

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the woman buy her husband? Nothing, she's a widow.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops