your momma so ugly even she wouldnt date herself.

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Why did the man steal 2 watermelons? He was a shoplifter and had a background of crime

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Why couldn't the Chinese man drive? Because he didn't have his driver's license yet.

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What do you get when you cross an African-American, a bird, and ice cream? I don't know.

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Why was the baseball player arrested after stealing a base? Because he pulled out a knife and stabbed the shortstop in the chest.

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How do you fit 100 babies into a bowl? You use a blender. How do you get them out? Tostitos scoops.

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What did Bill go for his birthday? No where someone slashed his tires.

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Why did Helen Kellers dog run away? You would too if your name was Hjshdvcyehbretafvvba.

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A priest, a rabbi and a captain are in a sinking ship. The rabbi says let's save the children. The captain says f*ck the children. The priest days do we have time.

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This is'nt a joke but like if it pisses you off when people comment on there own joke pretending to be someone else.

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A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver come in a gulp the guys drink down The man starts crying the lorry driver says"don't cry I will buy you another" The guy says "it's not that: Today I woke up late for work and when I finally got there my boss fired me so I get in my car to go home and it wont start so I walk home while it's raining and when I got in I found that my wife was sleeping with the gardener so I came down here and asked for some poison and you went and drank it"

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Q:What did the policemen say to the other policemen? A:Safe

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

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How did Hitler like his steaks? He didn't like steaks, he was a vegetarian.

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If you have 10 fish and you drown 5 how many do you have left? 10... you can't drown a fish, and even if you could you would still have 10 because there would still be there, they would just be dead. 5 alive, 5 dead

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Loss of habitat.

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What do you say to a black man who is in your house at night-time, carrying your television? Sir, may you please put down the television as it belongs to me and I worked hard to earn the money to buy it. If you do not I will have to contact the authorities to deal with you in a correct and fair manner.

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What does a Mexican do in a landslide? Lose a good deal of his hard earned property to the disaster.

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What do a comb and a guitar have in common? Neither of them can climb trees.

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What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? A watermelon is edible.

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ROSS G IS OBESE

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A small plane is carrying three passengers: a young boy scout, a priest, and the smartest black man on earth. Due to improper planning, there are only three parachutes on the plane. The engines cut and the pilot takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The black man says, "I am the smartest black man in the world. I need to live." He takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The priest says to the boy scout, "Son, you take the last parachute. I have lived a full life." After a very touching moment, the boy scout puts on the parachute and jumps out of the plane. Minutes later, the priest dies a horrific death as the plane crashes into the desert.

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Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

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What did the mute say to the deaf man? Nothing. He's a mute.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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