- Anti Joke

What did the cat say to the chicken? Nothing. Animals are not capable of speaking.

A man had a terminal illness. He died a few months after he was diagnosed.

What do you call a black guy flying a plane. A pilot

A tree walks into a bar. But it is a dead tree so it actually didn't

why did the cow jump over the moon because it was on a high dose of lsd

While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

Roses are black Violets are black Everything is black Because I'm blind

In Soviet Russia! People were much more finacially secure than they are now.

the iPod hand is such a great deal It's only seven ninety-nine..........................................ninety nine for one hundredth of a dinosaur wait a minute...

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

Why was the truck covered in blood? The chicken tried crossing the road

When life gives you lemons you leave the earth in search of what strange lifeform sent you them.

How can you tell Egyptian Bees are tired? When they put down their suitcases and yell "IM Tired!"

why is the room so dark? because the light is not on.

Why happened when a clothes line walked into a bar? He got hung over

How do you get a baby out of a blender? Call the police and have them deal with the tragedy.

What did the terrorist have for breakfast? Scrambled eggs and a glass of orange juice.

What's green, fuzzy, and would likely cause fatal harm if it were to fall on someone? A pool table.

What did one guy say to the other guy?? Well he just hi but hi backwards is ih and that reminded him of his days in Nahm because that's what his Sargent said and that reminded him of ice-cream because his Sargent smelled like ice-cream and that reminded him of the song that the ice-cream played which reminded him of Disney world which reminded him of a priest raping little boys which mad him laugh because that reminded him of a Jew picking up a penny which reminded him of Osama be shot in the fkg face and that reminded him to say how are you to the other guy.

minorities

What is 69? A two digit number.

Why was the little boy sad? Because he had a fox stapled to his face.

What is purple, covered in pus, and squeals? A purple hippo with an infected scab yelling at the pain

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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