Whats the difference between a dead baby and an orange? One is a tasty treat you can peal and enjoy and the other is an orange

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a boy walked into a pet store to get his bird some food. they were all out. the bird died.

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What is the difference between Terri Schaivo and a basket of rotting vegetables? The rotting vegetables aren't edible.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Africa is great, you should get raped

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Why did the boy miss a day off school? He was in a coma

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How do you wake Lady Gaga up? Poker face

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I'm not unemployed. I'm on sabbatical. Hey! Don't get all religous on me.

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A black guy and a white guy are sitting in the bar. Later they will probably return to their respectable homes.

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Why is Santa's sack so big? His doctor recently diagnosed him with testicular cancer.

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Why was the boy un-able to talk He was retarded

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What do you call a fat Mexican? Whatever his name is.

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Why couldn't the kid get into the Pirate movie? He died in a car crash on the way there because of a drunk driver.

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It's a scientific fact that if you took all the veins out of your body, and lined them up end to end, you would die.

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Q: What is worse than loosing your arms? A: Dying

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What's huge, gray, and has a trunk and wings. An elephant with wings glued to it.

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how do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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what do you call a kid with no arms and legs under a bus an ambulance, he's obviously in pain

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Why was the monkey sad? Because somebody stole his banana. Why was the monkey happy? Because your parents are dead.

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Your mom is so fat, she has diabetes.

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Q: What's worse then stubbing your toe? A: Coming home from school and your house is burnt down and your whole family is dead.

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Dead babies.

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A black man, a Mexican, and a Jew walk into a bar. The white bartender kills them all because he was a huge racist.

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Last night I had consensual sex with my long term girlfriend in the missionary position. It lasted approximately 4 minutes before I ejaculated into the durex extra safe condom.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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