Your mum is dead

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Why did the old man step on the caterpillar? For fun.

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9/11/01 walks into a bar

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the necessary mental ability or muscle structure to complete said task.

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Why didnt the kid go in the pool? Because there was no pool!!

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Last night I had consensual sex with my long term girlfriend in the missionary position. It lasted approximately 4 minutes before I ejaculated into the durex extra safe condom.

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What happens if Pinoccio says my nose is about to grow?

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What did the man say when he dropped an apple on his foot? That might have caused some minor discomfort had I not been wearing shoes.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was suicidal.

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? She no longer has a pulse.

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On the last day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... A letter saying she had gone bankrupt, as she had spent all her money buying me 12 pear trees, 35 golden rings, hiring maids and pipers and etc. for over 100 hours, and an innumerable amount of animals.

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What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree and lands on you, you'd die? A pool table.

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What is the same about a plum and an elephant? They're both grey except the plum

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Why can't Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 Million years.

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What do you call a bunch of balck men running down a hill. A bunch of balck men running down a hill.

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What did the blue man say to the purple lady? Do you want to make purple.

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What's the difference between a single mom and a stripper? Job status.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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Whats worst then the Holocaust? Two holocaust's.

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in 2001 a man was working happily in his office cubicle and got an email from his boss saying that he had great news for him. filled with excitment he knew he was getting A big promotion and could finally afford that new toy his kid has always wanted. Feeling great the man walks up to the office window to enjoy the view he notices a very large commercial airliner flying straight towards his office.

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What did the drummer say to other drummer? "Hey, I'm a drummer too."

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a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

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Q: What's black and white and red all over? - - - A: Nothing. If it is red all over, then it is not black and white.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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