What did your father say before he died? Nothing, he's already dead

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SAY

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What did the boy say after he hit his head? I just hit my head.

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Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

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Pandas Everywhere!!!

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting attacked by an evil demonic llama.

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A blond is stranded on a desert island when she finds a magic lamp. Except it's actually a rock and she is hallucinating due to dehydration and starvation.

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what did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? cancer.

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johann grayson being liked

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So there's this cup that I own... I use it to aid in the drinking of my hot or cold beverages.

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corey is a nipplepotomus

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What was the hardest part about the orphanage burning down? My cock.

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Your momma is so fat that she has really high cholesterol but also an undoubtedly warm personality.

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cheese

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Two business men, a priest and three boys are on a plane which is going down. There are only three parachutes. One business man says that they should allow the children to have the parachutes as they have long lives ahead of them. The other business man says screw the children. The priest looks up at the second business man. After a short but heated argument they all agree to let the children have the parachutes. The three children then proceed to jump out of the plane with the parachutes. The two business men and the priest watch as they descend upon the earth. The plane then crashes into a mountain, killing the business men and the priest. Once the boys were safely on land they went back to their daily lives in their individual homes. Turns out a serial killer had escaped from prison, all three children were found dead the next morning, the cause of death of course being that each had contracted some form of a sexually transmitted disease from the priest.

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jack shine has boobs

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One day three men died. Heaven had almost been full, and he wanted to see who could get in and who would burn. So the first man starts and says "well I just got home from my girlfriends house, she just dumped me. I was crazy mad, and as I was about to eat the pain away, I saw a man hanging off of my porch. I ran to the man pulled out a sledge hammer, and then smashed his hands off the balcony. And without thinking I picked up my refrigerator and threw it down at him. But sadly I fell with the refridgerator." the second man steps up and says.. "I was doing my dance routine on my porch, and I slipped on an ice cube and flipped off the rail. I took ahold of a railing on which I could puulmupmtomsaftey on, but as I was about to save my own life some psychotic man comes out with a sledge hammer and bashes my hands off the railing. After he threw his refridgerator down at me." and then the third guy says..."well I was in this refridgerator........."

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God is religiously proven to be real

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the WNBA

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What is green but looks like a silver car? A silver car....I lied about the green part.

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what black and white and read all over? a woman who has just been beaten and raped and left to die in the snow.

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A rebellious teenage boy throws a dozen eggs on the street, now he has no eggs.

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If life gives you melons.. You're just plain retarded.

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What's the difference between medicine and astronomy ? They're different fields of studies.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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