What's the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon? I don't cum on my watermelon before I eat it.

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An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walk into a bar. It happens frequently at UK airports.

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A fat man buys a salad

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Wife: Do you know what the most untruthful lie I've told you? Husband: What? Wife: That I love you. By the way I'm leaving you for your father. The twins are gay and in love with each other and your daughter is a hooker with AIDS. Your mother killed herself upon hearing all this news. She suffered a lot. Oh, the dog died by rat poisoning that your dad put in the backyard. Bye.

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What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre.

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Two business men, a priest and three boys are on a plane which is going down. There are only three parachutes. One business man says that they should allow the children to have the parachutes as they have long lives ahead of them. The other business man says screw the children. The priest looks up at the second business man. After a short but heated argument they all agree to let the children have the parachutes. The three children then proceed to jump out of the plane with the parachutes. The two business men and the priest watch as they descend upon the earth. The plane then crashes into a mountain, killing the business men and the priest. Once the boys were safely on land they went back to their daily lives in their individual homes. Turns out a serial killer had escaped from prison, all three children were found dead the next morning, the cause of death of course being that each had contracted some form of a sexually transmitted disease from the priest.

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Baseball

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Why did the jew put a parking meter on his roof.? ....So santa would have to pay to park.

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Why don't women wear watches?...Because the economy is at an all-time low and it would be reasonable to presume that a person couldn't afford an item like this, thus, trying to budget in a watch that could cost anywhere from 50-100$ would be a risky financial move depending on their yearly salary.

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Why couldn't santa eat cookies and milk at little Jimmy's house? He has diabetes and is unable to stray from a strict diet prescribed by his local doctor.

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FOLLOW ME @airvvv

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Billy was walking along the sidewalk. He strayed into someone's yard. He got run over by a lawnmower because he couldn't see with the frog he had stapled to his face.

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Knock Knock. F uck off.

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What do I smell like to you?? Crap.

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What do you get when you cross an owl with a bunge cord? My ass!

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Why did the baby cross the road. It was stapled to the chicken.

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Costello: Who's on first Joe Girardi: Mark Teixeira

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#FEARtheFLAMINGOS

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't

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Three men walked into a metal pole

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Why was the farmer buried in a grave on the top of a hill? He had died and this would be his final resting place.

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The chicken crossed the road.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? A black Russian.

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why did Suzy drop her ice cream? doesn't matter, why is she out of the kitchen.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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