Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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Baby Seal walks into a club.

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How do you remind your kids of family? You brand them with the family crest.

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what did the nail say to the hammer? Hit me baby one more time

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why did the Chinese guy take steroids? He didn't he's naturally small.

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dat shoe shine tho

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Why did the black man bleed to death? He was stabbed, but he bled to death because his doctor had just prescribed him some blood-thinners for his serious headaches.

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whats worse than unloading a truck of dead babies with pitch forks? Finding one alive

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what's the difference between a dolphin and a ghost? dolphins aren't ghosts!!

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Yo mama is so fat that she has to eat salad instead of sandwiches because she wants to lose weight by going on a no-carb diet.

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Why are babies like shake weights? Cause If you shake them long enough, they both end up being inanimate objects.

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Whats orange at the bottom of the swimming pool? A baby without floaties.

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How do you stop a black kid from jumping around in your bedroom? Chuck him out of the house.

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How do you make a snake blink? You can't

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I like to give help to people, expecting that they will be my slaves for life.

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What`s pink and fluffy? Pink fluff What did the banana say to the ear? Hello

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Whats worse than Sandy Hook Massacre? 9/11

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There is a terrorist attack. Muslims are blamed for it.

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Knock knock! Who's there? Joe Barkley. Joe Barkley who? ...

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A black man walks into a bar. He is then beaten upon and hung, as this is the 50s.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was being raped and was fugitive lot trying to escape, to no avail.

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If you just read this, You're dead.

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Your mom is so retard that she needs "special help" from medical professionals. :3 <33

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whats worse than 10 dead babies in a bucket 5 are alive and eating the others

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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