roses are red, violets are blue, {insert name here} is f**ked up, (s)he want to have sex with you

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Two guys walk into a bar. They are knocked out and rushe to hospital because the bar was metal.

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What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot you racist! Jk a terrorist

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Knock Knock Who's there? You know you really should have a safer way of finding out who is really on the other side. Now a days it's just not safe to ask, "who's there". I mean it could have been, Milkman, Plummer, or worst a Land Shark!

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Uh, Liz, he is staring at the screen... He says you are right and knows, so he cant get mad, ill trust you both, but it better work, or this one is on me. Oh by the way, yeah he is eating, sorry its late here, and I am the only nurse here about now Ironically this place is full of doctors but they dont seem to give a crap about the man that pays their checks. Doctors said no, Nero said "you are fired" Doctor changes his opinion, glad to see he is taking charge around here, I am just worried about his sleep, he is beginning to halucinate and I doubt any stimulants will help. But fine, ill trust you, sorry, really shaking my boots here, I really do not want to, but this is not about me.

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Why did the Mexican sneak across the US border? There aren't many good jobs for him in Mexico, and with the cost of living in his small village, he will be able to provide for his entire family of seven on just minimum wage in California. He will miss his family terribly while he is away from them, but he believes it is worth it in the end. Once he saves enough, he will pay the coyotes to smuggle the rest of his family over so they can be together again. Hopefully none of them will die on the journey.

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Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but orange gourds. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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Q: How do you make an onion cry? A: You can't, it's an onion.

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What's as hard as a rock? A rock

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Why does mcguigan get made fun of ? Because he is gay with Jack Walsh

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What do you get when you cross a vampire and Adolf Hitler? A socially unacceptable and awkward hybrid of two unrelated, technically dead things.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Hop in the van or I will rape you

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Whats the difference between a baby and a sandwhich... I dont rape my sandwhiches before i eat them

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What did the man say when he walked into a bar? Nothing because he got knocked out because he was running too fast and hit his head.

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How many Japanese people does it take to make a whirlpool? - None, because they're all dead.

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What did jimmy say when his brother had been mean to him all day and he was about to get a straw and his brother took the last one? That was the last straw!

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A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer, the bartender quickly takes out a shot gun and shoots the horse because he is secretly dealing horse meat to tescos

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What's worse than the holocaust? Microwaveable jellied horse nipple

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? I hit her with a shovel.

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Why do Squirrels accidentally plant millions of trees. Because they bury their nuts and forget where they are.

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A man walks into a bar. He is rushed to the hospital and has his wounds treated.

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What did the fat kid get for Christmas? Diabetes......

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What does a female Nazi call a tampon? A twatskika.

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food? No. Neither have they.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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