I got 99 problems and they're all related to long history of drug abuse

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Why did Suzie's friend put rubbish in her mouth? Because Suzie is a rubbish bin.

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what do you call a girl that just took 15 loads to her face? sasha grey.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The bailiffs, we have come to take your house

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They say that there's more than one way to skin a cat...so far iv only found the one.

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I man walks into a bar. He orders a drink, takes around 13.5 minutes to drink it, then walks out. It takes him 10.7 minutes to walk home, 2.8 minutes less than he spent in the bar. When he is home, he decides to have a bath. 7.8 minutes into bathing, a radio plugged into an outlet near his tub falls into the water with him and he is killed. 29 miles away a woman sneezes twice.

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why didn't the donkey go to the party? Because, unfortunately he did not have the required linguistic skills to communicate with the person inviting. This is obviously dependent on whether the person who invited him was a human, if it was another donkey then perhaps this would of happened. However, this is also very unlikely as donkeys do not have parties or really communicate

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Life is confusing. Really how so? He just walked up to me five minutes ago with a pair of socks taped on both sides of his face saying humanity is screwed and ran off after peeing on my carpet.

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What happened to the black man when he was hit by a truck? He died.

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Why did the water in the lake disappear? There was a toilet at the bottom.

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What's the difference between a pelican? 28, because elephants have 4 legs.

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alex and clayton are having sex at school. at that point, their teacher walks in and tells clayton about the dangers of unprotected sex.

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An Jewish man worked at a bank, and ate chicken noodles for lunch and then stabbed and man playing the saxophone.

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Q: What did osama bin laden say to the worker behind the gas station counter? A: May I buy this bag of chips?

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i punched my mother in the face once she cried

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Why wasn't the elephant allowed to the pajama party? Because he didnt have any pajamas.

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Yo mamma so fat she has to have anti biotics to keep her alive

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What do Barney and a butchers knife have in common? One of them is purple

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To run away from ebola

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I found an iPhone on the ground at lunch during school. I said, "Wow, I can't believe I just found an iPhone on the ground at lunch during school." Later that day, my principal gassed the kindergarten classrooms with cyanide while shouting, "GO RAIDERS!"

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What do black people do with M&Ms? They eat them.

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What's worse than a crying baby on a trans-Atlantic flight? A hungry lion on a trans-Atlantic flight.

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How do you starve a black man? Take away his current food stocks, and means of income.

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What's green and hangs from trees? Leafs

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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