When life gives you lemons squeeze them at people then run away.

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whats on object, almost tube like that squirts thick white liquid from the top elmer's glue

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How many blacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, unless he's short. Then, he'll need a friend to hold the ladder for him.

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why did the mexican work for a lawn care service I don't know why don't you ask him

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Two bars walk into a guy, and the bartender says, "You're telling the joke wrong, stupid!"

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What did the gay man die of? Obesity.

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I'm schizophrenic and so am I. I also happen suffer from multiple personality disorder. Schizophrenia refers to separation of mental functions, manifesting in anti-social behavior and delusions, and is unrelated to the separate disorder of dissociative identity disorder, popularly known as multiple personality disorder, characterized by at least two distinct and enduring identities and dissociated personality states. Both are crippling to normal behavior and function due to lack of public awareness and funding. Now get out of our ghost train or we'll cut you.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house. Knock knock. Who's there? THE CHICKEN!

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What happened to Jillian when she walked out the door? She got hit by a bus A. Knock knock B. Whos there? A. Not Jillian

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I'm not hungry, so when my mon offered me a pear I said to her "No thanks, I'm not hungry". 

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Michael Brown

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I have a very serious problem with my narcolepsy. I occasionalolahdf;honainbirgnipqgierngiaqbhgpqruiph

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Why was it cold in Florida on Monday? Because there was an irregular cold front moving through. The Monday part was just a coincidence.

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What's so similar about a zombie and a black man? They are both almost human.

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In order to find a woman, you need time and money. Woman=Time&Money The longer you spend at work, the more money you get. Time=Money Money is the root of most problems in the world today. Money=Problems Therefore Women=Problems

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A: Where does a cow go on the weekends? B: To the mooooovies? A: No, to the slaughterhouse.

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Knock Knock! Who is there? Me. Let me in. Oh, okay, Come in.

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Why did the chicken get hit by a bus? He tried to cross the road.

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they're extinct.

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Knock knock Who's there? Cow Cow who? If you really think about it, it's really now

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What is the similarity between John W. Booth and Pee Wee Herman? They both got arrested for shooting someone in the back of the head in the theater.

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How many straight naked men can you fit in a wardrobe? I'm not sure but the situation is highly unlikely!

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One early Christmas morning i went downstairs. My mother told me that she had gotten me the ultimate stocking stuffer. It was a foot

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What is the definition of child abuse? Ms Bazan

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops