A paraplegic walks into a bar.

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A little boy was walking down the street when a strange looking van stopped next to him and the man driving asked the little boy where he lived, where his mother was, and if he wanted a puppy because he had some in the back seat.... The boy proceeded to enter the van. The man then handed the child a puppy and promptly drove the boy home.

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Okay so there was a turtle, a pig, and a donkey. They were out fishing when suddenly they spot a man in boat. The man said he hasn't eaten in 5 days and he is very hungry. He looked at the turtle and said "no, too much shell." The turtle was happy and left. He looked at the pig and said "no, too much fat." The pig ran away and was very happy. He looked at the donkey and said "I think I'll have donkey today." The donkey ran away because he was scared. The man died from hunger.

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What did the mother say to her son when she saw his report card? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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Your mom is so fat she probably has a body mass index of between 25 and 30 which is considered to be "overweight" but paradoxically is associated with fewer health risks by medical professionals.

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How does a black guy in debt make money fast at the bank? He applies for a loan and conscientiously works hard to pay off the loan in turn, which he was lucky enough to get at a low interest rate.

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Knock knock Who's there? No one ever mentioned someone named "there" it's me, Jim

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roses are black violets are black i am blind

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Whats worse than failing an English test? finding out your now exgirlfriend has aids.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he.

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Why wouldn't Rose let go of Jack? Freddie told her that he was just a poor boy and nobody loves him.

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Whats faster than a black guy with a tv? His brother who is a dentist and drives a fast sports car.

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pleas help someone is in my house i think hes trying to kill me i'm not even joking.

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Why is this the worst joke ever? Because it isn't even funny.

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Omar the Magnificent is performing a huge magic show at a theater in New York City. His final trick will be to have his assistant saw him in half in front of the sold out crowd. Omar never knew how other magicians perform the trick. The crowd of hundreds watches Omar's assistant brutally murder him onstage and many require mental therapy for years to come.

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Today I wanted to make world peace.... So I killed everyone.

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Q: Why was six afraid of seven? A: seven raped six's mom

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What do you call a bird that can't fly? an ostrich

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Three girls are walking in the woods they see tracks one thinks it is a bear the other thinks it is a deer the last one thinks it is a lion They all argue till they get hit by a train and realized they were train tracks

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What's brown and sounds like a bell? An old rusted bell.

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my own dog bit my penis off, it was then put down. it was the worst day of my life.

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A squirrel asks an apple where is the nearest gas station. The apple doesn't reply.

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What's the difference between an Elephant and a Post Box? An Elephant is not a Post Box. It is an Elephant.

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A man walks into a bar a bartender says, 'why the long face'? the man says 'I just walked into a bar'!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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