A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the woman go out of the kitchen? She did not because she had a curse put on by a man off the streets of Greek row a Yale that said u may never leave the closest kitchen near this very spot, and it turns out that the closest kitchen was in a frat house across the street so now she is stuck in the kitchen making sandwiches for all the frat bros at this Yale frat house, So basically she was in her place

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you call a black man that is on fire? A Man on Fire. The fact that he is black has no relevance in this situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A man walks into a bar with a giant banana as a head and the bartender asks why he has a giant banana as a head and the man says get me a drink and i will explain, the bartender got the man a drink and he started to explain why, so i found this real nice golden lamp and i rubbed it next thing you know this genie pops out and he said i get three wishes the first one he wishes for unlimited wealth with a snap of the genies fingers the wish came true next he wished to be the most handsome man ever with a spin and a snap the wish came true but this is where it went wrong, I said to the genie and i cant believe he got me with this one (because genies always put a twist on things) i said: i wish for my head to be a banana

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's worse than a dead baby? What a sick question. Most would argue that nothing is worse than the death of an infant.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

there are three women witch one is married? the one with the ring on its finger

thumb_up thumb_down -13

why did andy wake up this morning. because he wasnt tired anymore

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did the man with candy say to the little boy? I have Candy.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

An Asian with a big dick.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Is it a bird, Is it a plane, I don't know what it is but it's heading straight for the World Trade Centre

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a whiskey sour and a mop.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

The man was allergic to water. He unfortunately died because water is needed to sustain health as a human.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do you call a bad yo mama joke? your mom

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's 9+10? 19

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the surgeon say to the patient? Nothing. The patient died on the table.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Did you know: it is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A gorilla walks into a bar. It goes on a killing spree, and is promptly put down by animal control.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What is a mexican's favorite sport? Soccer, it is the national sport of mexico

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A Texan, a Mexican, a Brit and a Frenchman are on a plane that begins having engine trouble. The black box was never found.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the hitler youth kid get for Christmas? An easy bake oven and a G.I. Jew.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Knock knock Who's there? Barack obama

thumb_up thumb_down -17

why did the black guy talk to the monkey? they were in the same cage.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar. An impossible thing because he can't walk.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Whats green and fluffy? Your mom.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops