An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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A blind man walks into a bar, bystanders help him up.

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whats worse than 10 dead babies in a bucket 5 are alive and eating the others

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do you know what Noah didn't bring on his arc? unicorns

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Q:What did the deaf kid say to the blind kid? A: nothing deaf kids can't talk they can only have conversations with their hands,which would be pretty useless at this moment cause the blind kid can't see his hand guestures

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Why did the man drive a van? So he could keep the stuff he stole.

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How did the failing slut get an A -she studied really hard

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What starts with a J, and burned in the oven? My Jumbalaya, i left it in for too long...

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What did John say to Paul before they entered the car? "Paul, get in the car."

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Whats worse than being out in the cold? Having cancer.

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Why did Little Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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What did the lady say to the boy who's parents just died? Haha, your parents just died.

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Two black guys walk into a bar. The bartender says "what are you doing here" and the black guys say "to get a drink"....

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

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A leper sees that a woman has dropped a bag of groceries on the sidewalk. "Hey ma'am, can I give you a HAND?" asks the leper. "No thank you, sir. I can manage." replies the woman. "That's a relief," laughs the leper, shyly. "I am quite weak due to leprocy."

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Want to hear a joke? Too bad.

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You know what sucks? A vacuum.

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What did the lawyer say to the doctor? - I am a lawyer and you're a doctor.

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Hi my name is Bob and I have Alzheimer's. Hi my name is Bob and I have Alzheimer's.

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a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

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What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center? Pepperoni

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What's worse than your console not switching on? A mutilated body.

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Why is the sky blue? You like men.

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What did the monkey say to the newlywed couple? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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