knock knock whos there. no one your hullicinating, heroine is hell of a drug

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boling water: why is it taking so long for you to get hard? egg: sorry, it's just because i recently got laid by a chick.

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Roses are red Bacon is red Poems are hard Bacon

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What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo? Don't be ridiculous. First of all, scientifically this is near impossible and secondly, what use would a kangaroo with wool be? Sheepdogs would become obsolete and they would be a nightmare to shear. Imbecile.

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Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left it!

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Emily Scarpello...Fat Couch

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Why'd the bird in Ohio fall out of its nest? There was a squirrel that was eaten by a large eagle. The eagle then flew to Ohio and died. Then, a large dog grabbed the Eagles corpse and brought it to his owner. The owner then decided to have it for dinner. Inside the eagle, he found the squirrels bones. He put the bones in a catapult, and sent them flying. The bones hit a car and the car slipped off the road and into a river. Then, a whale put the car on its back and swam to the shore. At the shore, the whale got stranded and sadly died. Crabs surrounded the whale and ate it. One crab then ran away and up a tree. It found a stapler and a rubber dinosaur mask and gave it to a chipmunk. The chipmunk climbed up the tree, stapled nuts into the birds eyes and stapled the rubber dinosaur mask to its face, the bird got scared, and then all of the sudden the chipmunk stapled itself to the birds back. The birds family then came and shoved the two out of the tree because they hated chipmunks, and their son Timmy the bird was a disappointment. The bird and the chipmunk fell and died. That is why the bird fell.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He had escaped from his farm and didn't understand the laws of jaywalking.

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Knock Knock, Who's There? Not Ann Frank because she died in the Holocaust along with 6 million other innocent people.

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb? It varies. Alzheimer's is a very slow progressing disease, and many people suffering from it are capable of a wide variety of a number of everyday activities.

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Guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He orders a beer with two cubes of ice. The bartender ask why does he want two cubes of ice. The guy doesn't answer. He finishes his beer and proceeds to go home safely because he was not intoxicated.

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What do you get when you cut a stick of butter? a butt.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It escaped.

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Why did the man feel like he was flying? Because he had just committed suicide by jumping off of a tall building.

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Person 1: Happy Halloween! Person 2: Hey, I'm Jewish

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What sits on a shelf and says hey im a book? A person who thinks hes a book.

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A guy punched himself. He then said ouch.

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? Its not for us to determine its motive, i'm sure it has its reasons

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Your uncle jack just helped you off a horse. Now it's your turn to help your uncle jack off a horse.

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How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? None they would just beat the room for being black.

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getting up in the morning is the 3nd hardest thing :DDD

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Whats brown and a fag? A bundle of sticks

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had celebral palsy.

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What do Selena and Justin, Kate and William, and Barack and Michelle all have in common? Nothing.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops