Q: What should you do when life gives you lemons? A: Life would never really give you lemons...

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A Mexican, a Chinese man, and a cowboy are on a plane. The plane is crashing, and they need to get rid of anything to make the plane lighter so thet can glide to safety. The cowboy throws out all of his boots and says we have to many of these. Then the Mexican throws out all of his taco shells and says we have to many of these. Then the Chinese man throws out the Mexican and says we have to many of these.(:

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You mama's so fat, that the doctor suggested that she go on a diet.

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A Frenchman an Italian and an American were setting in a bar drinking and talking. The Frenchman said he made love to his wife five times last night. She said if I died she would never get married again. The Italian said said he made love to his wife ten times last night and that she said if he ever died she would kill her self. They asked the American how many times he made love to his wife last night. He said I'm a widower. She died in the 9/11 attacks.

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A gay man goes out with a butch lesbian and develops a loving relationship, years later they get married and have kids, adopting them from the local orphanage and lives happily ever after.

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Hey, I want to because you are really sweet and deserve it, and damn you are hot, but thats secondary in your case, in every case actually, otherwise I would just be doing it with meat whose soul and thoughts I hate/dislike/detest/etc, and that is not who I am. Once huh? I mean I said night/day/shower/breakfast table... Not so sure I can last for that long with a girl as hot and sweet as you for that long. Kidding, hey, best friend huh? Wow, I mean that`s really sweet, and you are really a special friend to me, but uh, to be honest, best friend? I barely know you... I hate this part of myself, I am blunt with that honesty thing, I may just have insulted you, but you know, I also need to be able to live with myself If I am going to enjoy life.

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Why couldn't the cat drink his milk? Because his ears were stapled to the floor.

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In Soviet Russia, people commonly suffered under the might of the communist juggernaut. It was unpleasant.

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A man is at the doctor's office and the doctor says to the man: "I'm sorry sir, you have AIDS and Alzheimer's disease." The man says: "Well, at least I don't have AIDS!"

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One a upon of time there was man named Cinderella. He was so mad because his name was Cinderella. The end.

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My mom told me and my brother to lean up on a commercial...we were watching netflix

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What do you call a man with no arms in the middle of the ocean? Mike.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a pop because he was a designated driver

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Why did the black basketball team beat the white basketball team? They practiced more

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What do a pizza man and a gynecologist have in common? They are both hardworking members of the community!

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What's green and has wheels? Grass I lied about the wheels.

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Two peanuts were walking down the street I stepped on them both

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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A horse walks into a bar. He politely holds the door for a young woman.

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What's the best thing about twenty three year olds? there are twenty of them

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Whats black and white and red all over? A dead zebra

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A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

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Q: why did the dog fall down the stairs? A: Because I pushed him down.

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What's tall, has a really long neck, and eats leaves? My tall vegan neighbor's giraffe

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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