How many apples do you end up with if your dog is a golden retriever who got raped by a giant scorpion? A jail

thumb_up thumb_down -17

If it's mid-july and there are flying cows everywhere, how many bacons does it take to impregnate a spaghetti ? 3, because because vases can't swim in the dark.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she was hit by a refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

what's worse than a dead baby in the bathtub? if the baby was named Grace.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Whats red and has wheels? An apple, I was just kidding about the wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A man jumps of the roof of his building. The superindentant now owns the building and the man who jumped off the building has 59 fractures. Oh and he died.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

why did I fall off a tree? cause i wanna to

thumb_up thumb_down -19

what did the chickpea say to the raison when he got called big but? Atleast i dont have a stick up my but.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What's white and sticky.... Jizz

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What was the only reason a ginger ever won in a fight? It was against a Dementor.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

what is funnier than one dead baby in a dumpster? There is nothing funny about the homicide of a minor, and the murder should be immediately investigated.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How do you drown a black? - pop their lips

thumb_up thumb_down -19

So, I walk into a bar and say "Why do you call this place a bar, I don't see any bars in here!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Arnold Schwarzenegger at Terminator: Gaynysis (or whatever I wont bother checking that out) YA NEED TO REMUV THE QUANTANAMO TRANSLACATOR TO RELOCALIZAYSEE THE INTERDEEMENENTIONAL MAYTREX! Yes, Pops but what about the time travel Paradox? YOU NEEED TO REMOV THE CRISTAL PALARDOXAL WARCALIBREITOR IN ORDA TO DESINSTONYSE THE DEEMENTIAL CORDALOXEY! Me: *Leaving the cinema* Moral: If you thought the trailer was like "meh", then you will soon realize it was the best part off the movie... The only part that is meh, and while I can honestly say I dont understand shit about how timelines work in Terminator (The creators dont do it either) Having Arnold Fucking Swartsnigger go with the Geek lingo DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! To explain things to me, NOTHIIIIING!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What are you going to get your mom for mothers day? I have two gay dads.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why does the fat kid no longer have friends? He died after falling out of a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

September 11 was the 9/11 of all terrorist attacks.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

how do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator? open the door and put him in.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, floating in the ocean? A victim of the increasingly violent Mexican drug cartels.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Relax, anyway I hope its just the not not hypnotic suggestion, it would be really disappointing to to know that you are high on weed, even if it is very relaxing, not that I would know, I tried valium once, it kinda increased that sensation you have tenfold. Anyway, what I meant to say was, would you kindly tell me what size your breasts are? Do you shave down there?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

An over weight naked black guy walks into a bank and says "give me all your money!"

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why wouldn't Julius Caesar like olives on his pizza? Because he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

yo momma is so stupid, she probably in in the bottom 1% of her age group

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What did the deaf blonde say to the brunette? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops