What's worse than finding a knife in your car? Finding a car in your knife.

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I'm a wise old man, so I'm aloud to touch you in the bathing suit area.

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What did the child say after the priest touched him? Thank you for the ashes Father, have a blessed Lenten season.

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What do I hate? people

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A Blonde Goes On "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"

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Why did the little boy fall over. Because someone shot him in the face.

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What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag. How do you make a man pregnant? Stick a dead baby up his ass! How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head. How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them. -S

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Hey dude. who died.... crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets YO MAMA

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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You know what's sad and Funny? When a guy walks into a gay bar and doesn't get hit on.

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Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip? to ge to the same side

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A person affected by Alzheimer's is asked a knock knock question- Knock Knock Who's there? Boo Wait what are we doing again?

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? No. Well neither has he.

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What's the difference between a radio and a bowl of potato salad? If you put batteries on a radio you can turn it on and listen to some music. If you put batteries on a bowl of potato salad it's not gonna give you any music.

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Oh NOES! She does worry about me! YOU MUST APOLOGIZE! Relax, the body has two sources of happy drugs, one is the sweet calm stuff I am really bad at, and the other comes with adrenaline and stuff, the name of which I do not remember, both are important, but yeah, I am a thrill seeker, and when I do not find them, I make a thrill out of whatever I got, whatever that means.

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Q: Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? A: Getting mauled by a pack of hungry wolves

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What do trees and people have in common? If you hit them enough times with an axe they will fall over.

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Your mother is so fat that occasionally she'll have more than one serving of preserves on her toast in the morning

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One morning a guilty man reluctantly told his wife he was having an affair. After a long awkward silence they were then abducted by aliens.

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Why did the boy fall? He got tackled by a man that was 400 pounds.

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What's clear and looks like water? Water.

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Yo mama's so stupid, she put the baby in the microwave

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A- 2 jews walk in a bar..what happed? B- they died 35 years later from skin cancer

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A Jew walked into a bar and his cat died of aids

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops