How do you kill a blonde? Stab her with a knife.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

why did the hobo want cancer so badly? he really needed a haircut

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why didn't the woman have a penis? Because she was female.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

You wanna hear what's totally out of this world? The moon

thumb_up thumb_down +19

ROSES ARE RED VIOLETS ARE BLUE HERE'S A KNIFE KILL YOURSELF KANE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's fat, round and bounces on the ground? A ball. I lied about the fat bit.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

how much swag could a swagchuck chuck, if a swagchuck could chuck swag?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What was John Lennon's last hit? The pavement.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the Ginger get for his birthday? A soul...................................……................……………•

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock, Knock Who's there? Bill Bill who? Bill your neighbor. Can I have some flour?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A mormon walks into a bar. The Bartender says "What can I get you" The Mormon says "Sparkling Water please. In my religion we don't drink alcohol."

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did the captain say to the priest? We're on a boat.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How do you make a baby understand what you want? You color yourself purple, wear a yellow shirt, and do cart wheels while singing "The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round!"

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Did you hear about the guy that had his entire left side cut off? He's all right now. Dead but all right.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q: What's worse than your parents dying in a car crash? A: You were in the backseat and saw your mother plead your father to slit her throat witht he broken glass because her legs were brushed and a windshield wiper was shoved in her kidney. As you stared on in pure horror, your father did as she asked with much contemplation. An ambulance arrives moments later. In the hospital, you tell your dad that you hate him for killing mom. You run away and he dies overnight due to heart failure. Yo suffered paralysis and now and are confined to a wheelchair for the rest of your natural life and are sent away to a born-again foster care home where you are never adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the man have sex with other men? Because he was homosexual.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

I am green. You are blue. Jokes are infinite. This is too.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what's a snake that has no legs a snake

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Two drunk drivers got in a car crash They both died

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops