Hook a finger from each hand in your mouth, now pull so your lips are tight and try to say "I was born on a pirate ship" I'm sorry, I can hardly understand you.

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What is long, hard, cries a lot, and can't fall down a man-hole? A baby with a javelin through its neck.

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Q. what happend to the guy who walked by an alley in new york? A. he got beat up by a robber wich took hes money, cellphone, keys and his abillity to walk.

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why did the man cross the rode? He didn't he got hit by a bus

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What did the you know what screw this I'm sick of making these stupid jokes there all the same. Hang on hang on What did the pirate do to the dog yes This style of joking is so different I'm going to be a famous comedian oh wait there's a whole bloody website full of these. O look another one and another one and another one that knife over there looks really nice right now

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Q:What did the turtle say to the jaguar? A: Well, a turtle and a jaguar live in totally different habitats, turtles live in water while jaguars live in grasslands, so it would be unlikely for them to cross paths and communicate. Turtles and jaguars are unable to speak and, if a jaguar were to talk to a turtle, the turtle would be unable to make out words because turtles can only pick up vibrations. And, they would have nothing to talk about.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It's better if you don't understand

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What happened to the gay guy? He died of aids...

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womans rights...

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How many TV shows are there? A lot.

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A Texan, a Mexican, a Brit and a Frenchman are on a plane that begins having engine trouble. The black box was never found.

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Why did the boy tell the fly to eat the cheese? A: because he wanted him to

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Want to hear a funny story? So, these to kids have cancer...

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How can you know your roommate is gay? His dick has the taste of shit

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A man walks into a bar. His crippling alcoholism is tearing his family apart.

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Why did the pregnant Mexican cross the border? Nobody knows. She was shot down on site.

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Why does a new mother have big jugs? Her baby died of Sudden infant death syndrome.

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? After losing its family, the chicken had became an adrenaline junkie and enjoyed the rush of doing such dangerous things. It subsequently became addicted to opium.

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? names

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Two muffins were in an oven. The first muffin says: 'It sure is hot in here!' The second muffin says: 'Why are they only cooking two muffins?'

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Two dogs went out for a walk. Then their master took them home.

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Why was the man afraid of the fish? He had ichthyophobia.

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Whats the biggest party fowl? Murder

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Why was the little girl crying? Because she was hanging upside down from an oak tree.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops