John has 5 brownies, 3 chocolate bars, and 62 cookies. What does John have now? Diabetes, John has Diabetes

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Q: What does a bunny and a plum have in common? A: They're both purple except the bunny.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Schizophrenia.

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How do you wake up your grandmother........ You don't, she had a massive heart attack and died in her sleep

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How do you make a sandwich? Go into the kitchen and make a sandwich.

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My friend, who has struggled with a lifelong battle against anorexia, died yesterday..." "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" "Yeah, me too. The car ran the stoplight and it was all over...

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When Harry met Sally, she slapped him twice without reason, walked away and kept on with her day.

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Your mumma's so fat she is fat

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You know what's good for shoulder pain? If you ice on for 20 minutes then off for 20 minutes repetitively three times a day

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roses are red, violets are blue with a face like yours, you belong in a zoo but don't worry, cos I'll be there too not in the cage but laughing at you!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Now that we got our colors straight. Hey, how ya doin?

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What's the difference between acne and Michael Jackson? One is a an unsightly blemish that appears on your skin and the other is a dead pop singer.

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Q: What do you call a black person living in the United States? A: An African American.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I just sharpened this hatchet Don't make me use it!

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What did Batman say to Robin to get in the car? Get in the car.

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why did the little girl throw a clock out of the window? because she wanted to see time fly

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how do you drown a blonde in a kitty pool? put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom

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What's black, white and sings the intro theme song for "Thomas the Tank Engine" while tap-dancing? There probably isn't anything that does that.

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jimmy walked into a bar, then walked out crying and all desperate seeing his wife cheating on him with another guy sitting in the bar. he jumped in front of a bus and was taken to the hospital. He died due serious injuries. Turns out that it wasn't his wife but her twin sister that neither jimmy nor his wife was aware of her existence.

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How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that : L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

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How do you call the uncle who molested you as a child? More than likely with a telephone.

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He is outside, running for it, Erron, seriously who is We? I thought you where an author.

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Q: What do you call half of the worlds population of black people on the moon. A: Close enough.

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What happened to The Guy when he got pissed on he was wet

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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