Knock Knock Who's there? Hodor

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I was walking on the beach when I heard a man yell "Help, Shark, Help!" and I laughed, because I knew the shark wasn't going to help him.

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Why is the sky red in London? Fire.

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Once upon a time there was a little puppy. He then grew old and died.

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Hey dude ask me if im a tree!? Are you a tree? No

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Take my wife. . . . to the hospital. She is dying from a gunshot wound to the head.

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A very depressed man walks into a bar, sits down, and gives the bartender his credit card and says, "Keep giving me beers until I pass out." The bartender asks, "What's wrong Buddy? You can talk to me!" The depressed man explains that he was fired, his wife has been cheating on him for the past 2 years, both his daughters ran away and became prostitutes, his mother died after choking on his father's Genitals and the father had just been diagnosed with both brain and testicular cancer and will die within the week, his sister was kidnapped and sold into a sex slave market and has been missing for the past year, his brother confessed to being gay and committed suicide with his lover (male) after learning that their state did not accept gay marriage. He pauses to drink his beer, then continues on to say that he has been convicted of sexually assaulting a child even though he was innocent, his dog had just been run over by a tractor trailer with no physical body left to bury, his cat had gotten stuck in the garbage disposal and he turned it on without knowledge that the cat was sleeping inside. The man looks at the bartender and started to laugh and cry at his misfortune, he then said,"... And to top it all off i just spent the past 2 hours explaining this to a deaf bartender!" The man then went home and hung himself on the telephone pole outside his house. At the funeral only the bartender,who attended, spoke on his behalf, reciting the man's terrible life, then ending by saying, "This man death has motivated me to search for a cure to this rare Delusional Disorder."

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what do you call a black guy on steroids? a black guy on steroids

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Q:What do you call a dog with no legs? A:It doesnt matter he's not gonna come

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What does the time bomb say to the idiot? Nothing, time bombs are inanimate objects and therefore can't speak.

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Whats the difference between your mother and a mallard with a cold? There are far to many differences between humans and birds to consider for this question. A small list might include wings, feathers, and mating habits to name a few.

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A kid is Jackin off and his dad walks in and says if you keep jackin off you will loose your sight. the kid says dad im over here.

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women's lacrosse.

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3 black men walk into a bar. They order their drinks, tip the bartender, and could not have been more courteous.

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Why did the black man not tip his waiter? Because she provided terrible service and was undeserving.

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Three blondes were stuck on an island, one of them wished for a motorboat, later on they all died of starvation

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AROUND

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How do you get Pikachu on a bus? You don't, Pikachu is a fictional character therefore doesn't exist

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Whats worse than a dead baby? 6 million dead Jews.

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A man sees a giant talking frog walk into a store. He later dies due to an overdose of LSD.

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-What do you get when you graph the division of x by the square root of 69? - I don't know, what? -I was asking you, as my family's low economic status hinders my ability to buy a graphing calculator.

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What is pink and fluffy? Pink Fluff.

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Why did Donald Duck go to college? He didn't, he's a fictional cartoon character.

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What is the difference between men and women? Several physical functions such has the reproductive systems, bone structure, and voice pitch.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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