roses are red, violets are blue... thats what they tell me because im blind

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What did the kid with no arms and legs get for his birthday? A bicycle.

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What did the ant say to the bush? Ernest Borgnine.

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Q. What did the woman use for vaginal medication? A. Standard Strength Vagisil.

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My father stole my mothers heart, he's in jail for murder

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Why did the referee go to the zoo? He likes animals

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::ring::ring::ring:: Hello? Is your refrigerator running? Yes, yes it does! Why? I work for a local home appliance superstore and we are having a special on repairs and maintenance. Would you like to try our home appliance maintenance offer? I'm sorry no! I do not actually have a refrigerator. I only have a cooler. Bye! ::the man shuts off his cell phone and sets it on top of his styro-foam cooler as he mumbles to himself alone while on his boat, "Darn advertisement offers!" and continues to fish in the middle of the lake::

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being ripped apart by an angry orangatang because orangatangs have the strength of ten men.

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A man walks into a store. He purchases what he was intending to, walks out, and gets on with his day.

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If Michelle rides her bike at 15 mph for 20 minutes and Erik rides his bike at 20 mph for 12 minutes, why is Michelle not in the kitchen?

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Do You Know You Have Cancer?

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What's the difference between the WNBA and the NBA? The WNBA features female athletes, as oppose to the males of the NBA.

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how much fish could a chicken

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Q: What would have been the easiest way to stop the second world war without killing anyone? A: Paid Hitler for his art.

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A kid comes across an injured duck near a lake. Nevermind he doesn't see it he's really high.

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Why was the little girl crying? Because she was hanging upside down from an oak tree.

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Why was the boy cold? Because he couldn't afford clothing.

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Reality is often boring. TV is often bad for you. Reality TV is boring AND bad for you.

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whats black with purple?nothing no animals or humans have anything like that

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What did the korean say to the other korean. I don't know i dont speak korean.

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roses are red grass is greener get in the bed and suck on my wiener

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whats worse than finding out there's mold in your bread? finding out the holocaust is in your bread

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops