How do you keep children off your lawn? Touch them.

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So mind telling me why you wont call me? And why, you know... Are you avoiding this condition of yours?

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Some people devote their to talking in their head. Jesus christ.

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roses are red, violets are blue, get on your knees ho, and stick to me like glue.

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What colour is an orange? Orange. What did you expect?

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Why can't Scrillex fish? Because He is too busy to practice fishing.

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What did the little boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer What did he get the next year? Nothing he didn't make it that far

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Every time I walk across the street I do the Hitler march and raise my arm straight out to salute him, if I feel like holding up traffic, I take smaller steps

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A mother and her child run into the store... The mother opens the door, so the child does not run into the store again.

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you know why they're called ear wigs, right? cause they go in your ears! then they wig out? no, they kill you.

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What was the color of the big lipped, struggling rap artist who violently raped and killed a young woman after robbing a convenience store at gunpoint? Red. He was covered in blood.

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When did Dom become so brave? When he made friends

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whats funnier than a dead baby? many things. a dead baby is a very sad and tragic thing.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the ocean? Bob

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What's the difference between a black man and a orange? One is a fruit and other isn't

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Which of the following is the reason the Titanic sunk. Select all that apply. A. Iceberg B. No radar C. Late warning D. Put your hands on me Jack E. This ship can't sink F. Over by the bed, the couch G. God himself can't sink this ship Z. All the above X. None of the above Q. Why are you still reading

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Q: What's red and bad for your teeth? A: Bricks.

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B==========D-------------------------- im pissin man! god!

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Roses are red, violets are red, sunflowers are red, HOLY CRAP, MY GARDENS ON FIRE!

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God hates fags, no...god i'snt real

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1. The name of your street 2. The name of your pet 3. Your favorite activity 4. The color of your eyes 5. The number of shoes you own Now fill in the blank with the corresponding number to your answers. "One day I was ___3___ my dog when a pornstar named __(1)__ ___(2)___ asked me how many times I can ___(3)____ myself. I said ___(5)___ times and the juice that came out of me was __(4)___."

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why did the black man shoot himself? because he commited a crime and was sorry for what he had done

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The Dalai Lama orders a slice of pizza for $2 and gives the cashier a $5 bill. He then realizes he hasn't been given any change, so he asks for his change. The cashier quickly apologizes and hands the Dalai Lama three dollar bills.

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A handless Asian boy was riding his bike through the park with some friends. One of his friends puts his arms in the air and yells "Look! No hands!" The handless boy rides his bike home, crying and thinking about how one day he would like to say, "Look! No hands!" without people getting nauseous.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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