A grandfather clock fucked my bicycle!

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Q: Why did the white mother with a newborn baby lock her car doors? A: Because a black guy walked by.

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Your mom is so stupid... She was unable to go to college and therefore was not able to find a good job.

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A blind man walks into a bar... He tragicly attracts aids and dies as the bar is shut down for health purposes

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Three men were on a plane. One chucked an apple out the window. Unfortunately, due to the low pressure outside, all the men were sucked out the window.

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Why did the man cross the road? To attend his wife's funeral.

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Your mother is so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it read quite a large number. She resolved to live healthier and exercise more.

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What did the fat kid eat for dinner? Salad, he's on a diet.

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An Iranian, a Mexican, and an American are on an airplane. The plane is too heavy to take off, so to lighten the load, each person has to throw off something their country has a lot of. The Iranian throws off a nuclear bomb. The Mexican throws off a sombrero. The American throws off an apple pie.

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Many people dont know this about me, but I'm not very famous.

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The man was so nice It's too bad he couldn't hear the bus coming.

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What did the plant say to the human. Nothing.

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Yo' momma is so old she should probably go to the doctor and check her health so she can live a longer, more healthy life.

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My grandmother's zodiac sign was cancer, and she was killed by a giant crab.

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The cow's name was Friday, But can you guess what day it died? Monday, it had a fun weekend with its family before it was brutally slaughtered.

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Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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How do you cut the sea in half? You can't. There are an odd amount of letters. You would have to jeopardize the "e", but then it would no longer be "sea".

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How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at its face!

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How do you call a guy that ran over 10 children A bad driver

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Ask me any question. Okay, what is your favorite color? I refuse to answer.

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Whats Brown and Sticky A) a stick

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Why didn't the blond cry at her child's funeral? She died, too. It was a terrible accident.

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what is the difference between an octopus and a dead dolphin? one as tentacles the other is dead.

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Why did the man kill his friend? How am I supposed to know

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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