How many dead babies can you fit in a trunk? 37.

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Mum did you make my milkshake? No, I didn't son, but your father did. Fther's dead. I know.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van

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How do you drown a blonde? Intentionally attempting to drown anyone, regardless of their hair color, is murder which is illegal and morally wrong to do.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Dog. Dog who? I have a dog.

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On Friday the 13th,My cat turned into a dog.

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Why was the black man crying? Becasue his wife and children were killed in a horrific car accident on their way home from church.

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Why did the blonde arrest the man? Because he brutally murdered his wife and children.

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deez nuts

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like this or you will die at some point in your life

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Why did the black man bleed to death? He was stabbed, but he bled to death because his doctor had just prescribed him some blood-thinners for his serious headaches.

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You know what really chaps my ass? Thongs.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, my life didn't start, until I met you! :) Megan _____

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Why did the guy stay up all night on the internet? because hes a fat ugly bastard with no life

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What did the man say to his doctor?

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What do Kurt Cobain and a whale have in common? Both have holes in the back of their heads

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Wilson: would you buy lottery when you grow up Mattuew: no theres no point Wilson: ask Xiangxi right next to you Mattuew: xiangxi, would you buy lottery if you grow up? Xiangxi: Prabably not, because the chance of winning a lottery is lower than becoming an astronaut Mattuew: the probability of you winning the lottery is higher than you finding a girlfriend

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The last head of Satan, is oh but what you blamed upon Your faults, Your sins. The thoughts of Madness written here, yet potent enough to cloud Your thoughts.... Wait not forever children of man, as eternity is at its peak, the false prophet IS AMONGST US! But what side is he on? The last ditch attempt to protect humanity from a raging jealous vengeful God? Say it is not so! Say that darkness is not the only thing standing against you and eternal damnation... ...Yet you killed his only true child, you stole his name, his essence... Even his Identity... ...Even the Angels white are powerless to stop him, Your maker, Your true maker, for what is the grief of the holy, from which you took his only son... ...As you celebrate once and once anew... :...Merry CHRISTmas, to all of those of you all now left behind... Celebrate it well, as before the world reaches 2017, is where it all ends...

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Why didn't Michael J. Fox feel the Virginia earthquake? He was on vacation in Maui.

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What do you get when you cross a shark and a squid Nothing thats impossible

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Boy: Hey girl if I had hand-cuffs, I’d lock myself to you right now! Girl: I would find that extremely creepy.

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give me a gun or i will shoot you i dont know what with but i will kill you so run run or i will come and get you

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What do you call a fat cat? Nothing if you are a good person

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A priest, a rabbi and a mullah walk into a bar. The bartender looks at the three, laughs and says "Please leave now, God is dead"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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