Your mom is so fat she has type 2 diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

How do you keep your dog warm? Put antifreeze in its water dish.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

What did one rock say to the other rock? Nothing, rocks are inanimate objects, therefore rendering them unable to participate in the activity of speech.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

What did the cowboy say to the alien? Nothing, this is a dream. Wake up.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

I used to love Christmas Until Santa woke me up and told me my dad didn't exist....

thumb_up thumb_down +48

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, and have a stimulating discussion about economics

thumb_up thumb_down +42

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? One, it's just a lightbulb

thumb_up thumb_down +40

How do you make a chicken laugh. By showing it how to cross the road

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Whats worse then reading the same joke over and over again? Getting mutilated by a cupcake.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

A very depressed man walks into a bar, sits down, and gives the bartender his credit card and says, "Keep giving me beers until I pass out." The bartender asks, "What's wrong Buddy? You can talk to me!" The depressed man explains that he was fired, his wife has been cheating on him for the past 2 years, both his daughters ran away and became prostitutes, his mother died after choking on his father's Genitals and the father had just been diagnosed with both brain and testicular cancer and will die within the week, his sister was kidnapped and sold into a sex slave market and has been missing for the past year, his brother confessed to being gay and committed suicide with his lover (male) after learning that their state did not accept gay marriage. He pauses to drink his beer, then continues on to say that he has been convicted of sexually assaulting a child even though he was innocent, his dog had just been run over by a tractor trailer with no physical body left to bury, his cat had gotten stuck in the garbage disposal and he turned it on without knowledge that the cat was sleeping inside. The man looks at the bartender and started to laugh and cry at his misfortune, he then said,"... And to top it all off i just spent the past 2 hours explaining this to a deaf bartender!" The man then went home and hung himself on the telephone pole outside his house. At the funeral only the bartender,who attended, spoke on his behalf, reciting the man's terrible life, then ending by saying, "This man death has motivated me to search for a cure to this rare Delusional Disorder."

thumb_up thumb_down +38

A hiker gets lost on a trail and ends up wondering deep into the woods. He comes upon an amish farm. He knocks on the door and an amish man answers. The hiker explains his predicament, and the amish man says "sure you can stay in barn, but promise me one thing, don't have sex with my daughter". The hiker says "of course I won't". He then goes to the barn. Right before the hiker falls asleep. The amish farmer comes in and says "make sure you don't have sex with my daughter". The hiker says "of course not". So the next morning the hiker is rested, well fed and is about to leave when the amish man approaches and says, "Thank you being decent and christian like."

thumb_up thumb_down +38

A farmer goes out to the coop to feed the chickens. They're all dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

im jewish

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What has human male genitalia? A human male

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What do you get when you give a homeless man a sandwich? It thrown at the back of your head.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he has Parkinson's Disease which causes his hands to shake uncontrollably thus making drawing anything relatively difficult and a perfect circle impossible.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did the boy miss a day off school? He was in a coma

thumb_up thumb_down +30

There once was a girl from Nantucket, I've heard its nice there this time of year.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why did Hitler cross the road? Because he had already looked both ways. Only after practicing proper safety procedure did he venture across the busy thoroughfare to retrieve his asthma medication from his car.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

-What do you get when you graph the division of x by the square root of 69? - I don't know, what? -I was asking you, as my family's low economic status hinders my ability to buy a graphing calculator.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What does a ghost get when he watches pornography? A boner

thumb_up thumb_down +26

why did the man come out of the closet? because the dark scares him and it smelled like moth balls

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Two guys were sitting in a pub.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What do you call a mexican sleeping in a car tired.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops