What did the homeless man get for his 34th birthday? 34 years of regret.

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Two strawberries are sitting in a bathtub. One says to the other, "Can you pass the soap?" The other one says, "What do I look like, a typewriter?!"

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I like my women how i like my coffee. Without a penis.

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What animal was two legs and bleeds a lot? half a dog

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand, as asks the man running the stand, "Hey, got any grapes?" The man suffers a heart attack from the shock of a talking duck

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I'm schizophrenic and so am I. I also happen suffer from multiple personality disorder. Schizophrenia refers to separation of mental functions, manifesting in anti-social behavior and delusions, and is unrelated to the separate disorder of dissociative identity disorder, popularly known as multiple personality disorder, characterized by at least two distinct and enduring identities and dissociated personality states. Both are crippling to normal behavior and function due to lack of public awareness and funding. Now get out of our ghost train or we'll cut you.

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Yo mama so fat that you should maintain strong eye contact with her and not look at her body.

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How do you make a lumberjack cry? Kill his family

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Why do Squirrels accidentally plant millions of trees. Because they bury their nuts and forget where they are.

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But I don't use all those things myself Nero, I do however teach people how to use it.

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Hello

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Why did the man apologize to the other man, after he had hit him with an axe? He didn't. The man was dead.

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food? No? Neither have they.

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What's worse then getting followed by a creepy man in a van? Getting followed and raped by a creepy man in a van.

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roses are red violets are blue you smell like poo I F*****G HATE YOU!

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Why Cant michael J Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he is dying of Parkinson's disease.

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A black man walked out a window of a 20 story building a detective arives at the scene it was night time and he said wheres the body.

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Two Jewish men are walking when they see a penny on the ground. They continue walking because pennies are not worth picking up in today's economy

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Q: Why did the black man drown? A: Because he couldn't swim.

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What did the terrorist do to the small village? Destroy it with a bomb vest.

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MURRRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? Nothing his parents died in a tragic car accident the night before

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Teacher: Why did you fail this test? Student: Because the hamster that gives energy to my brain just died.

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The next person to submit a 'roses are red' 'joke', is cursed to always prematurely ejaculate from here until eternity

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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