A man dies from a cat attack. he goes up to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter asks him, " how did you die sir?" The man doesn't reply so Peter says, "cat got your tongue?" "No," he says, "cat got my throat!"

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Two muffins are in the oven They didn't say anything.

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How do you confuse a blond? Paint your self green and throw forks at her.

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Q: What's red and bad for your teeth A: A brick

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woman's rights

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. I cut off his leg.

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OK, so there's this blonde driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She's cruising at about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the point across that she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and sees her on his ass, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks like a wave and she waves back. Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more visible in the process. Once again the trucker sees her on his ass, and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road. The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it. The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, the cops were waiting. He was found guilty in court and forced to pay the blonde a settlement of $250, 000.

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What is sad and disappointing? Nevada's and California's snow pack.

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What is orange and annoying? A purple potato.

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A man was driving in his BMW one day when a mini passed him out on the fast lane. The BMW driver thought 'i can't have that!' so he sped up and overtook the mini. Unfortunately he wasn't paying attention and he drove into the back of a school bus. Ironically the bus contained the mini driver's 3 daughters, he was driving so fast because they had forgotten to bring their lunch and he was trying to catch up with the bus so he could give them their sandwiches. There were no survivors of the crash, except for the mini driver.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? one's a scum-sucking bottom feeder, the other is a lawyer

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whats the best anti joke ever? mine you dipshit

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? "Robin, get in the Batmobile."

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What did the Jewish man get for his birthday? Pork.

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why did the chicken cross the road ? how else is he going to get to the other side

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A man walks inta pet store looking for a dog. All he finds are cats.What did he end up buying. A weasel

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A man walks into a bar. I don't remember the rest, but your mother's a whore.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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rose's are red violets are blue I have touretts blblblblblblblblbbl

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why did the boy drop his ice cream? he had no hands

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what is the worst thing a priest could do to a little boy? brutally murder him

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How many members of Coldplay can you fit in a mini? 4, as there are 4 members of Coldplay.

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What's worse than getting raped? getting raped by a horse in car while listening to nickelback

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What's big and green and would probably kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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